No doubt, some men have the trick; they can captivate and melt any lady with their charisma and charm. He may thrill you with new experiences and feelings you never knew you could ever feel. He may even promise everlasting care and affection. Whether or not those promises are genuine, you must realize that he, like every other human being, may disappoint you—whether he intends to or not. Some men may mean well but may not be ready to show the kind of commitment it takes to grow a serious relationship that will end up in marriage. They are called time wasters or heartbreakers. They provide women with a steady supply of disappointments. These disappointments often take a toll on women—causing them rivers of tears. They have invested time and emotional energy waiting for him to come to his senses, but all to no avail. This could even lead to depression. In some cases, even these depressive states have led to traumatic and sometimes fatal circumstances at the end of the day.
“Know the true value of time; snatch, seize, and enjoy every moment of it.” ― Lord Chesterfield
So, what does a girl do? Give up altogether? No. While the search for love and companionship can be daunting, true love is worth all the effort. Notwithstanding the world’s realities that we live in today, there are still a few good men out there, even with many Casanovas on the prowl. So, women should be assured that there is a genuine chance that they can find their Prince Charming that will genuinely sweep them off their feet. However, women must make sure that they have their priorities straight. They must make sure that they are not only pursuing “the icing on the cake” (e.g., the flashy cars, the mansions, bespoke fashion, etc.) in men that could land them in a cauldron of heartache. Not saying that “icing on the cake” is unimportant; however, they must not be the primary focus in deciding on a potential relationship partner. However, women must not forget “what the cake is actually made of.” In this case, things like character, potential, ambition, honesty, integrity, etc. Hence, a lady must be smart and take heed of some telltale signs that show that the man is not worth the effort and time. Remember, your time is your life. Here are ten of those signs.
10 Signs That He Will Waste Your Time
Although this listicle is not exhaustive, we will review ten signs that will alert you that the man in your life may be wasting your time. These signs are for you to stop and reconsider whether you will go all the way with the man currently in your life. Hence, consider them as mile markers that will allow you to evaluate your current situation. They are not highlighted to make a skeptic out of you; however, they are here to make you rational as you assess your situation. Don’t let unserious men waste your time in a relationship that will only end up in one place―a dead end. I also provide some recommendations for things that you could do to salvage the situation. However, these are my suggestions of what I think can help. Hence, they are not coming from a professional standpoint. If you need professional counseling, be sure to seek out a licensed relationship therapist or counselor. So, let’s dig in.
#1. Honesty and Trust. These are two crucial determinants of mental safety when it comes to any relationship. If the man in your life is hiding something or furtive, then this is a red flag to watch out for. If he does not tell you anything confidential that pertains to his life, even after calling his attention to it several times, then there is seriously a problem, and you need to exercise some caution. If he does not share his plans, actions, and moves with you, then there is a possibility that he could be a scam.
Our Advice: Call his attention to what you have observed. Express your concerns. Ask him to be forthright and truthful concerning the issue at hand. Hash it out and make your decision based on facts. A relationship needs to have no hidden agendas. Every relationship should be an open book of trust on the bedrock of mutualistic confidence. Anything short of this should be vehemently rejected for your sanity’s sake.
#2. You are not a top priority on his agenda. One important thing you should note is that a healthy relationship or even a courtship gives you joy. You will likely prioritize whatever it is that gives you pleasure. If you still excite him, he will put you above all his commitments. If you are not a priority in his life, it will be made evident in his actions by him, giving his attention to something else at a point when he is most needed in your life.
Our Advice: Call his attention to what you have observed. Communicate your concerns and highlight what you have noticed. However, don’t be confrontational about it if you don’t have to. Give him a chance to explain the issue—if there is any, as a matter of fact. Once again, hash out any problem if there is any. Timely communication is crucial in relationships.
#3. When there is no more excitement in togetherness. Togetherness in a relationship ought to be exciting. These are times when couples put aside their worries to enjoy each other’s company. It should never be an unhappy or dull moment. However, as soon as that excitement of togetherness wanes, or the spark of your presence is no longer there—then you should be careful. Communication should never be one-sided. If this is the case, then he may be no longer passionate about you. The initial spur has fizzled away. Keeping a distance from you and not being lively and enthusiastic about you is not a good sign.
Our Advice: Communicate with each other. Find out what the root of moodiness is all about. Find out where the spark of your relationship started to fizzle away. Forgive each other. Make amends. Rebuild broken foundations of love. Seek couples therapy if you need to. A relationship should not be perpetually tense. A relationship should be celebrated, not endured.
#4. He suddenly stops going out on dates with you. When he stops taking you out on dates, or you must always remind him, or you get stood up regularly on planned dates—kindly don’t overlook this. The situation could be more difficult than you think. A couple that hardly spends time together may not last that long as a thing. Times spent together in a relationship makes for a strong love-bond in the relationship. A couple that spends quality time together, in most cases, end up staying together. When he suddenly becomes preoccupied at the mention of a possible date, it could be a sign of him gradually pulling out of the relationship.
Our advice: Do not allow this to fester. Find out via a mutually-affable conversation concerning what is going on. What is causing the disconnect in your date life? Rekindle the fires of your date life. Make time for it, and the two of you must be judicious to make it happen. Again, time spent together leads to a more profound bond in the relationship.
#5. He doesn’t have his life together. What is he doing with his time? Where does he live? How does he spend his money? Does he save, invest, or make plans for the future? Does he handle his bills like an adult? These are signs of a person who is mentally ready to build a life that accommodates a woman. This mental readiness in the man leads to cerebral safety in the woman. Regardless of the amount of love you have for each other, you must be careful not to fall into the trap of a man who doesn’t take life seriously. He might end up wasting your time without intending ever to do so.
Our advice: Before venturing into a relationship journey, some questions the woman must ask are, “Does this man understand his purpose? Or is he just clueless? Is he proactively attempting to achieve his life goals rationally with all smarts in place? Or is he slow on the uptake? Does he know where he is going?” A man who understands his purpose and smartly works to accomplish his goals is methodical in his life approach. You can see it. You can feel it. You can experience it. Be cautious about following a man who is clueless about his purpose or what he wants from life.
“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.” – Benjamin Franklin
#6. He only wants to get physical. Now ladies, a man who only wants to get into your pants is a big red flag right off the bat. Yes, it’s good to have passion in a relationship, but a man who is overly preoccupied with the physical stuff may be in it just for that. Does he know what’s going on in your life? Does he even want to settle or get committed to you? Does he see you as a living, breathing, a functional human being with dreams and aspirations, or is he just in it for his personal sensual gratification? Be careful; you may have a skirt-chaser here. It would be best to ask yourself these questions, or you might end up with a time-waster.
Our advice: Sensual passion, within the confines of a legitimate relationship (e.g., marriage), is a beautiful thing. However, it should never be the only driver of a connection between the two of you. A man who solely pursues the personal gratification of his sensual nature should be questioned. Is he there just for that, or does he care about you beyond the physical pleasures that he derives from you? You must be conscientious, and you must question his principal motive as it pertains to this factor.
#7. He stops being there for you. If your man is not always there for you, especially when you need him most—please take caution; he might be another time waster. It is indeed important to be there for each other in a relationship—it’s a two-way-traffic deal. You two must be there for each other. Please don’t get this wrong; we should know that the only thing that is certain in life is uncertainty. However, things could come up that might warrant this to happen on an occasional note. However, it should never become a frequent occurrence. So, check it; if this is happening on a perpetual basis, something is unquestionably wrong. Please get to the root of it and address it before it begins to fester and becomes irreparable.
Our advice: Communication is fundamental. When you notice a pattern that your relationship partner is no longer there for you, please bring it to his attention quickly and get to the root of the matter. If this started happening suddenly, then you need to ask and find out where he or you two fell off the track. Jointly address this with equal commitment. A stitch in time, they say, will save nine down the road. Square out the issue while there is some hope to salvage the situation.
#8. His Ex gets more attention than you. If a guy compares you or talks a little too much about his ex with you, he is still into her either positively or negatively. If he still gives her attention and care whenever she needs it at your own expense, there is a high probability that he is still engrossed with her. He will go running back to her at the slightest opportunity. If this is your situation, then you are with a time-waster. Your heart, they say, is where your home is. He may be in a relationship with you in the physical, but his heart is far away from you. Why be in a relationship where your partner is unmistakably in love with another? That is a recipe for disaster. So, be careful. Be wise.
Our advice: We advocate that you deal with the “ex-girlfriend” or “ex-boyfriend” issue before you get into a new relationship. If you steadily look back to an “ex,” things could go wrong quite quickly in your current relationship. When you have a partner in a relationship perpetually referring to “what could have been” should they have remained with their “ex,” watch it, they still have emotional ties with the “ex” in the picture. Address all past relationship issues before you forge a new alliance with your partner. The “ex” factor can quickly erode the foundation of trust in a relationship. A lot of times, it can do some irreparable damage that the relationship will never recover from. Be cautious. Be wise.
#9. He is secretive about you. A guy who intends to take your relationship to the next level will surely be confident enough to introduce you to his friends and family. Don’t be deceived by excuses. A guy who keeps you on the hush-hush around his people should be questioned. Before you agree to forge a relationship with your potential partner, ensure that he is confident enough to introduce you to his family and friends. Like I always say, ‘You must go where you are celebrated and not where you are tolerated.’ Don’t buy his covert tactics; he may be wasting your time.
Our advice: Your potential partner choosing to keep you under a covert banner should not be tolerated. That is an immediate red flag of a time-waster. Your potential partner in a relationship should be excited to introduce you to his friends, folks, and loved ones. If he is not celebrating you before the people he calls family, then that is a path that you should not be treading at all. Be cautious concerning this factor. Do your homework and ascertain if you are being tolerated or being celebrated.
#10. He doesn’t make any verbal commitments. Commitment is crucial in any relationship. Can two walk together except they are in perfect agreement? I don’t think so. So, talk to him. Ask him questions. Ask him about his goals and what his plans are. Be direct and ask him where he sees the relationship headed in the future. It gives you a definite clue as to whether you fit into the picture and if there is a relationship at all. He may speak in codes, but if you listen carefully, you can tell if he has you in mind for the future. If he’s excited about you, he will be direct and will gladly include you in the picture, rather than beating about the bush.
Our advice: A duo forging a relationship should be committed to each other. You do not plan to be in a relationship with no commitment at all. The absence of commitment is the absence of a future—the absence of a future in the absence of a relationship. Commitment is a vector quantity—there is a direction in view. A non-committal relationship is a scalar relationship—there is no direction in view. Where there is a direction, there is a future. Where there is no direction, there is no future. Make sure the two of you verbally commit to becoming a duo. Do not hinge your hopes on the relationship hooks of “if’s” and “maybes.” Be wise; get him to commit verbally—if he commits through his actions, even better.
“Time = Life, Therefore, waste your time and waste of your life, or master your time and master your life.” ― Alan Lakein
We have looked at ten signs that your current partner or guy-in-shining armor may be wasting your time. Our primary intention is to ensure that a couple is 100% into each other before forming a relationship alliance and riding off to the sunset happily ever after. The first point we looked at was honesty and trust. These crucial determinants are at the heart of a relationship and must not be taken lightly. Embrace it. Cultivate it. Harvest it. Second, if you are not his top priority on his agenda’s scale of preference, you need to exercise some caution. From a Christian perspective, after the Trinity in his life, you should be next in the scheme of his top priorities. If this is not so, then you need to apply some sense of wisdom and caution. He needs to get his priorities straight. Make sure that this happens before you forge ahead in your relationship journey. Stop wasting time with people who don’t value your time. Stop doing what doesn’t work.
Third, we have seen that the two of you must be excited about each other. Why be with a person who does not savor your presence? Why be with a person who does not celebrate you or what you are about? It’s a definite red flag if your presence causes him grief and unhappiness in the place of excitement. Remember, excitement births desire. Desire also has a progeny; commitment is her name. Fourth, he suddenly stops going out on dates with you. Umm, remember, spending quality time with your partner is the hallmark of a healthy relationship. Fifth, he doesn’t have his life together. If he doesn’t have the ambition and drive to become his best-self-ever, or if he has not achieved this yet, then you cannot throw caution to the wind in this circumstance. Pause. Reflect. Decide wisely based on facts. The man that fills the void of a relationship in your life must be a person of drive and substance. Stop wasting time with people who don’t value your time. Stop doing what doesn’t work.
Sixth, you may be with a time waster if he only wants to get physical. Your partner should also care about you as a person and consider your feelings. Your body should not be his only wonderland. Your mind should likewise be his paradise. Please beware of the partner that exclusively thinks with his third leg. It is absolutely a red flag worth noting, and you must exercise some caution. Seventh, he flat out stops being there for you. Being in a relationship is a two-way-traffic deal; two of you need to be there for each other. Eight, his “ex” is still getting some attention. Deal with the “ex-girlfriend” and “ex-boyfriend” issue before forming a new relationship alliance. Failure to deal with this once and for all could lead to the two of you breaking up in your own relationship journey and becoming “exes” down the road. Stop wasting time with people who don’t value your time. Stop doing what doesn’t work.
Ninth, he is covert about you. Friend, you need to be cautious of the man who does not celebrate you around his friends and loved ones. You should be that one-off gem that he parades around and shows off to all his friends and loved ones. If this is not the current situation with you, then you need to be cautious. Question his covertness—he may be a time-waster. The tenth and final point is the factor of verbal commitment. We are also saying that the man’s verbal commitment must be in pari passu with his actions. A man’s word should be his bond. However, the doing part is also pivotal—it must be his bond too. What the man is saying must also conform to what he is doing―this goes for the man and the woman in a relationship. Stop wasting time with people who don’t value your time. Stop doing what doesn’t work.
You have read up to this point, digesting these 4K-plus-words, we at Oaekpost.com want to thank you for your reading-persistence up to this point. We appreciate any comment that you will have concerning all that you have read. We believe strongly in continuous improvement, and we would love to learn from your perspective. If you love what you have read, please do us a great favor to share it on all your social media platforms. However, the whole essence of this article rests on the foundation of time management. This article’s core is to ensure that you are making wise choices in your relationship to ensure that the potential man in your life is not wasting your time. What can you learn about time?
Time is the most treasured asset that you have in this life. We have little of it. We only have a limited time on this earth. Time remains the only resource that can never be replenished. Time lost can never be regained. If you are spending your life with someone who does not value you as a person, you waste your time doing so. Revisiting the quotation above by Alan Lakein, he asserts that “your time is equal to your life.” If, after reviewing these ten points and you come to affirm that the man you are with is wasting your time, then trust me, he is contributing to the depletion of your life. Hence, it is time for you to rethink your stance with your partner in your current relationship. Stop doing what doesn’t work.
An Ashley Ormon once said that “You can’t make up for the lost time. You can only do better in the future.” This article adds value to your life by asking you to do better in the future concerning your relationship and life. If the man you are in a relationship with is wasting your time, you can attempt to salvage the relationship by acting on some of the advice we give you through this article or the ones you get from a relationship counselor. If your status quo does not change, you need to make a hard call and transform your life situation. Don’t procrastinate, making this crucial decision. Remember this hard truth, as stipulated in the preceding paragraphs, time is the only resource that can never be replenished. When those seconds go by—tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock—they are gone forever. All you have is your now that will help define and redefine your future. Be wise in your relationship decisions. Stop doing what doesn’t work. Change. Stop wasting your time. Reconsider your standing. Stop wasting your life. Act. React.