When a girl has had it with a guy, nothing in this world can keep her interested in him. It was R-Kelly who sang, “When a woman’s fed up. There ain’t nothing you can do about it.” The saying goes, “Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.” The saying means that a woman can only take but so much negativity. When a wronged woman blows her top, the situation can reach an irreparable state that you can no longer salvage. Sometimes, a woman could also be treated well by a man; however, if she does not feel an attraction for him, it still lands him in a state of hurt and battered feeling and ego. Many men learn the hard way when it comes to relationships. Any guy who can’t read between the lines despite numerous warning signals might find himself without a date or a partner for a very long time!
No matter how infatuated with a lady you become, you may be heading towards a big emotional roller coaster or trouble if you fail to read the handwriting on the wall—her words, actions, behavioral traits, and body language to gain a clear understanding of how she feels about you. When she is no longer in love with you, it is possible that she could still portray a front like she still cares about you. However, the reality of the issue at hand could be that her mind is long gone from you. You are history, and the relationship is toast. It mostly becomes complicated to let go of the illusion she represents in your mind. You may be getting the wrong message if you keep listening to the enticing words, which sometimes might contradict her present actions. Many men who allow their built-up emotions get the best of them. They are blinded and not able to see the warning signals of a waned love, which may end up spiraling down towards a catastrophic emotional disaster. All said and done; you may be with a timewaster.
“Your time is way too valuable to be wasted on people that can’t accept who you are.” ― Turcois Ominek
Many men think that they can sway how a woman feels about them using money and this life’s pleasures. This school of thought is a big fat lie. Emotions and feelings rule women. Money can turn on the juices that ignite her passing interest, if at all. Sometimes, if she is so inclined, it could lead to a steamy night of romp under the sheets, but make no mistake, that is all it is and nothing more. After all this, she would then seek out for herself, the one who holds her heart, even after she has loved you with her body or filled her pockets with your generosity. That is the truth and a hard pill to swallow. Don’t wait until that precious time of yours has been wasted. Don’t let a woman make a mess of your emotions—stand your ground and address the situation head-on. Should you notice any point we will address in this article, be wise, and make your decision pronto to address the gap. You will have to decide if you will stay with the woman in your life or bail with your sanity intact.
10 Signs That She Will Waste Your Time
Although this list is not exhaustive, we will review ten signs that will alert you that the woman in your life may be wasting your time. These signs are for you to stop, ponder, question yourself, and reconsider whether you will go all the way with the woman currently in your life. Hence, consider them as mile markers that will allow you to evaluate your current situation and determine your directions. They are not highlighted to make a skeptic out of you. However, they are here to make you rational as you assess your situation. Don’t let unserious women waste your time in a relationship that will only end up in one place—a dead end. I also provide some recommendations of things that you could do to salvage the situation. However, these are just my suggestions, and not a professional conjecture. If you need professional guidance and counseling, be sure to seek out a licensed relationship or family therapist or counselor. The following ten signs can help you identify ladies who are on a mission to waste your time.
#1. She can’t just stop talking about her Ex. Here we go again with the “ex” factor. A girl who always talks about her “ex” around you is a definite relationship gap. Or, at the slightest opportunity, compares you with him marks a red flag alert. Her actions are merely telling you that she may be using you to while away time pending the time her “ex” would run back to her. Regularly reminding you of her past is an indication that you don’t quite measure up to her expectations of what an ideal man should be. It is possible that she may or may not love you as such, or love is fast waning. She might leave you for a guy who truly makes her forget about her “ex.” Are you in such a relationship? Do you have a partner who is continually peering back at her “ex”? You might want to exercise some caution. You might be with a time-waster, and it may be time for you to walk away from her.
Our advice: If a woman regularly talks about her “ex” directly or indirectly, you need to communicate with her and find out where her heart is. Is her heart with you, or is it still with her “ex”? Talk about it. Address the elephant in the room and let her know how you feel about how she is always bringing up the issue of her “ex.” From your discussions, you can now gauge where her heart is. Armed with these facts, you can now decide on what you want to do. Go the extra mile to work things out and correct the relationship variation. Leave her or stay with her and continue dealing with the “ex” factor.
#2. She regularly cancels plans and dates. When a lady cancels dates on you unexpectedly without any plausible reason on the whim, then this is a sign she is not taking you nor your time seriously. Being in a relationship means that you both have value for your time. Sometimes, things could come up that will warrant the cancellation of the scheduled date. However, when it becomes perpetual, then something might be amiss in the relationship. Such disappointments shouldn’t be a constant thing. Ladies don’t cancel dates on someone they value and cherish or want to be around. Hence, you must appear this carefully. If you keep agreeing to her terms, you encourage her to take you for granted. You may be with someone taking you for a ride. She may be a time-waster.
Our advice: If you notice that this has become perpetual with no concrete reason behind it, then you need to watch it. Something is amiss. Women cherish being around the people that are dear to them. If she is regularly canceling out on you, you may not be the person she wants to be spending her time with any longer. Could she be spending time with another person that is dearer and closer to her? Bring it up, discuss it, and assess the answers you get. Find out where the crack exists in your marriage and fix it. The facts that you discover will allow you to make an informed judgment.
#3. She gives her friends more attention. It is not by chance that a girl gives more attention to her friends over you. The ideal situation is that a girl gives their lover more attention than their friends and family. As a matter of fact, when girls are in love, they mostly spend more time with their love more than anyone else. Well, that is the way of the woman’s heart. They love hard when they are truly into you. However, when the tide turns, women will overtly or covertly find every excuse to spend more time with her friends and other family members than you. If you find yourself in that situation, then you may be in a sinking Titanic. You may be with a time-waster.
Our advice: Talk to her about what you have noticed. Air your opinions non-judgmentally concerning your observation about the lack of attention that you are getting. Crave her debonair indulgence to be honest with you about the matter. If she expresses any frustration, then go the extra mile in trying to fill any gap amicably. Go for counseling with a Family Therapist. If nothing happens or if the situation gets worse after that, you two have spoken, then there may be something wrong. The ball is in your court then to decide on what you want to do.
#4. The only time she is all over you is when she needs a favor. Some ladies can be very demanding both for your time, attention, and resources. However, it is essential to be conscious of how she becomes extra sweet and kind to you. Is she overly affectionate with you only when she wants to ask you for favors? Does she reach out to you only when she needs your help? Is she only overly affectionate when she wants you to splurge on her with the daintier things in life? She might be a gold digger—only after your pockets and what she can gain from you. This is a red flag that you must watch out for. If all your so-called girlfriend or partner does is demand material things and never asks to spend more quality time with you, then it is evident that you are with a time-waster.
Our advice: Make sure you have a conversation with her. Please bring it to her attention that the only time that she is overly affectionate with you is when she wants something from you. Make her understand that she is not spending quality time with you. Establish the fact that you have your own emotional needs, likewise. Please, have a heart-to-heart conversation with her—this will help you get to the roots of her motives. If nothing improves after airing your mind, then you might be with a time-waster. She may be in for the ride because of what she stands to gain from you, so be cautious.
#5. She shows no concern about your future or career. If your girl has never for once called to talk about your current or future plans or seriously advise you on the things to do concerning your life, she might just be taking you on a relationship ride—maybe as a side guy. A lady who really cares about you should be passionately involved with you. She would want to know what you are about. She would be asking you questions like— “What are you currently doing? What’s your plan for the future? How’s everything going with your career?” Someone who really cares about you deeply may even volunteer her assistance should you need it on a project you are working on. This pattern of relationship should be mutual. A lady who does not show such deep concern and is always superficial and nonchalant with you may not be involved with you for the long haul and may have no long-term plans for your relationship.
Our advice: Your relationship partner should show that she cares about you. She should never be clueless about your present and future. If she shows no indication of wanting to get to know you on a deeper level, then something may be wrong. A lady who is in your life should not be ignorant or clueless about her man’s future. If she chooses to remain unperturbed by your concerns after your conversation, then you may want to exercise some caution. You may be with a time-waster.
#6. She is not free with you around others. A lady who is in a relationship with you must be free with you in the presence of other people. Signs of uneasiness and aversion when you are with her in the company of others is not usually a good sign. The moment her attitude to you around other people is not the same as when it is just the two of you, this is enough reason to immediately know that she is just playing games with your heart. It’s either that she is ashamed of you, or you are his side-guy. Hence, she doesn’t want to be free with you when other people are around. The matter becomes worse when she does not even want you around her when she goes out on occasion. The shady character shows that you might be with a time-waster.
Our advice: Please, politely bring it to her attention when you two have a frank conversation concerning your relationship. Let her know in a non-judgmental way what you have noticed. From your discussion, you will ascertain whether she is doing it on purpose or not. Be candid with her that you will not be with a partner who is not free with you around others. Her answers will allow you to decide on what to do about the situation. Make your decision based on facts. Always remember that facts have no feelings. If you decide that you are with a time-waster, it might be time for you to walk on.
#7. She hates taking pictures with you. Something as simple as taking pictures can be a strong litmus test to ascertain whether a relationship has some gaps. A lady with whom you are in a relationship should always crave to be seen around you or have some keepsakes in the form of pictures. Something is wrong if she gets irritated and continually gives excuses when asked to take pictures together with you. Something is fishy if your pictures are nowhere to be found on her phone or in her home. Even if you are not in a picture on the walls of her home, there is no excuse that you are nowhere in her “Photos” on her phone. We live in a technology-infused generation, and people in relationships are always quick to show off the pictures of their partners on their phones to their friends or coworkers. Something is off when the lady in your life has none of your photographs. The not so funny thing is that you might not be the only man in her life. It pays to be cautious in such a scenario. You may be with a time-waster.
Our advice: You may be wasting your time and your life with a lady who does not want to show you off to others. Don’t you think it is questionable to not be in any keepsake photographs with someone you are in a relationship with? It sure is. No image of you on her phone or social media (e.g., Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc.) is a definite red flag. If she is active on those platforms, then why are you conspicuously absent? If you observe this, you may want to question such a character timely. Get to the root of the matter. If you discuss it and no concrete proof surfaces on why she is doing so, then you might have a time-waster on your hands.
“You either waste, spend, or invest time. Make your choice wisely.” ― Sunday Adelaja
#8. Addicted to her phone and keeping it away from you. I was reading an article in the September edition of Wired Magazine, “Human Parasites: How Social Media Zombifies You.” Wow! There is a wealth of truth in it. Matt Simon, the writer, was talking about how people get addicted to social media. Many people are hooked on what is now called the “zombie scrolling syndrome,” where people keep phubbing through their phones and handheld personal computers. Not just that, people are addicted to Social Media; they are addicted to the various platforms of mobile technology (i.e., their phones and tablets). They are so addicted to the digital technologies that they can’t be with it—they have Nomophobia.
Consider reading my Tech OpEd article titled, “Mobileholism: The Dangers of Technological Addiction.” However, if you are in a relationship with a lady who is super addicted to their phones, you are in for it. If she always puts her phone face-down, silent, or mute whenever she is with, you may not be sincere. Or, if you have a partner who waits for you to go to bed before she sits beside you in bed or finds a secret nook to chat away with her special “someone.” Could this special someone be a “hush-hush” secret lover? Who knows? Talk about it and find out for yourself. You are only doing so to be cautious.
Our advice: Please, make time to talk with your partner from time to time. A face-to-face conversation is healthy, and you should do more of it. Lay off the mobile phone or tablet for a while—take a technology sabbatical if you need to. If your partner has something to hide on her phone that she doesn’t want you to see or find out about, then that is something you need to address quickly. Do a gap analysis of the issue and resolve any issue that you discover. Don’t be the side guy, or don’t be in a situation where she harbors a side guy she doesn’t want you to know about. Please get to the root of it. It’s something that you may want to talk about. Make your decision based on facts. You may be dealing with a timewaster.
#9. She always introduces you as a friend. A girl that introduces you just as a friend to people, while two of you are supposed to be a thing, is not worth your while. You are what she introduces you as, just “A friend,” and nothing else. So why waste your valuable time in the pursuit of a girl who only classifies you as a friend and nothing else? That is a definite red flag that you need to walk and go where you are celebrated as an intimate partner instead of just being tolerated as a platonic friend. If that is where her heart is, then you need to suck it up and accept the reality of the relationship situation that you are in. In a way, you need to consider it a blessing that she is flat out upfront with you. Don’t push it if you clearly see that the lady you desire does not want the relationship to graduate from a platonic relationship to a more intimate one. If you aspire to have a more loving relationship, then it would be the right thing for you to look elsewhere for the one girl for you before you get stuck in the friendship zone. Don’t waste your time if you are seeking a deeper relationship.
Our advice: Friend, this is an easy one. She only desires a friendship zone platonic relationship—consider it a sign from heaven. If you attempt to seek greater intimacy and all you meet is the friendship zone wall, don’t push it. She may not just be into you. Consider it as fate dealing you a winning and preserving hand protecting you from heartache should you push for an intimate relationship. So, it might be time to seek someone who will fall heads-over-heels with you and vice versa.
#10. Always claiming busy. Don’t be a fool. The lady in question cannot be too busy to see you if you are at the nucleus of her heart. Busyness is one of the numerous time-wasting excuses people give to other people that they do not want to be in a relationship with. Please don’t give in to it. She is probably busy with someone else or too busy to waste her precious time with you. So, as hard as this might be for you to hear, please don’t spend any more of your time on her. Go where your partner will make time out of their busy schedule to spend time with you. That is what people who truly love themselves do, not always claiming that they are occupied. She may be a timewaster, so be cautious and go where you are celebrated and not just tolerated.
Our advice: The fact remains that time is too short to spend your precious minutes and life-moments seeking the attention of someone too busy to spend a moment of their life with you. It’s either she is not interested in you, or she has someone else that she considers more value to her heart than you. If you care about someone, you will make time for them. Be wise, read the handwriting on the wall, and decide what you hope to do.
“When you kill time, remember that it has no resurrection.” ― A.W. Tozer
Time is a precious commodity. Don’t waste your life pursuing a lady who unmistakably does not want to be in a relationship with you. You can see it through their words, actions, or mannerisms. The action they say speaks louder than words. Hence, if you see all the handwriting on the wall, why continue to punish yourself striving to be with someone striving not to be with you? Why give yourself heartache instead of just counting your losses and moving ahead with your life? You have gone the extra mile to salvage who you have with this special someone, but you are not getting the ROI for your investment. Reconsider your stance while you have the chance to do so—redeeming your time and life while you can. In the words of Robert Herrick, “Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying.” Gather what you have left of your life and move on the yellow brick of your life and purpose.
In summary, we have seen ten things, ten signals that you may be in a relationship with a time-waster. We want you to carefully consider all the points that we have elaborated in this column. These facts are not stipulated to make a skeptic out of you. They are to make you more aware of the possible situation scenario that you are facing. The first was that she couldn’t just stop talking about her “ex.” Her heart is still with her “ex.” You might want to let her be—don’t put yourself through that heartache. You may never measure up to the “ex” factor. Second, she regularly stands you up on dates. It is evident that she does not value your time—walk on. Third, she gives her friends and family more attention. If you love someone, you will dote on the person. There are times we need some space for ourselves—correct. However, these times should not be overly extended or perpetual.
Fourth, the only time she is all over you is when she needs a favor. You may be messing around with a gold-digger. Assess the situation, and if this proves factual―walk on. Fifth, she shows no concern about your future career. All facts about you, especially what you are doing in your profession, should matter to your supposed partner. A lady who is nonchalant or ignorant about who you are and what you do may not be fully vested in the relationship. If she is not that concerned about you, then it may be time to walk on. Sixth, she is not free with you around others. If she shows visible apprehension when you are in the company of others, then something is off. Question this. Seventh, she hates taking pictures with you. Like we said in the article, a lady who is wholly into you should have some keepsakes (e.g., photographs) that remind her of you. She is proud to show you off to her friends. If this is the contrary, then something is off. She may be wasting your time.
Eighth, she is way too addicted to her phone, and she is perpetually keeping it away from you. Or she is unceasingly sneaking around with her phone at odd hours of the night, chatting away with supposed friends that you know nothing about. She may have something to hide. Talk about this anomaly promptly. Never allow unfavorable circumstances surrounding your relationship to fester as they will always become cancerous to your emotional and psychological health. Ninth, now something is wrong if she is always introducing you as a “friend” rather than an “intimate partner.” You want to graduate into the intimate relationship zone; however, she wants you two to remain in the friendship zone―walk on. She may be wasting your time, so step on and find yourself a lady who is 100% into you. Finally, tenth, she is always claiming that she is busy. If you are in love with someone, you will make out time to be with them. So, if she won’t make time for you, she may be a time-waster. A word is enough for the wise.
Finally, much of the advice that we have been giving revolves around communication. Communicating with your partner on many and all issues is the lifeline you have in enjoying an agony-free life. A Peter Shepherd once said, “Communication is the solvent of all problems; therefore, communication skills are the foundation for personal development.” Many people face problems in relationships because they fail to communicate effectively with each other. Friends, as I said earlier, time is a precious commodity. When you kill your time with a woman who does not value the relationship you share with her, you must be cognizant that there is no resurrection of that time. The article above is an opportunity for you to re-evaluate your time and your life with the woman in your life. Don’t waste your time where you are not celebrated. Don’t spend your time where you are tolerated. Invest your time wisely with a lady in a relationship where you are both celebrated and valued. Remember, your time and life are too valuable to be wasted with those who will not appreciate you wholly. Be wise in your current and future relationships. Act on facts. React to attract the right love situation that you deserve.