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I Control Me

Tough and turbulent times are like seasons; they come and go. We control the narrative of our future. Don’t act irrationally in extreme conditions. Write a good story. Become the next Bestseller. Become the best you.

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Tough and turbulent times are like seasons, they come and go. However, when we are in those tumultuous times, we feel the torrential rains of the situation pouring down furiously on us that it becomes really frustrating at times. We can experience frustrating times in our workplaces. We can experience turbulent times in our relationships with our friends and loved ones. You could experience turbulent times on a project that you are working on. Rough and tumultuous times comes in many shades and forms. However, these situations if not managed efficiently could make us blow our tops. In whatever shade these troublesome times come, the onus still lies on us to control the narrative of the situation, and not let the circumstance control us. No matter what life throws at us, we remain the sole authors of our own life stories. 

We control the narrative of our future. Every action that we take is a sentence in the story of our lives. The collective aggregation of how we react to good or bad situations that we encounter become the individual sentences that make up the story of our lives. It is therefore imperative that we remain cognizant of our daily actions. We need to think before we act. It is not always wise to sow an act when under the stimulation of negative emotions. We need to become cooler, calmer, and more collected before acting in any circumstance. When an action is perpetrated, it is out of the bags of our lives with ensuing consequences. We must be careful to tell the tales of our lives. There is a Sage called Life. He is looking at your actions every second, every minute, every hour, every day, through all your years. Be in control. Properly manage the situations that form the sentences of your life. Don’t act irrationally in extreme conditions. Write a good story. Become the next Bestseller. Become the best you. Kelechi Agom-Eze, the founder of the “I Encourage Somebody” YouTube Channel gives some great highlights on how we should manage intense situations and circumstances.

“Don’t act irrationally in extreme conditions. Write a good story. Become the next Bestseller. Become the best you.”

There are times that we face very annoying situations. Trust me, everyone reading this can testify of at least one time when someone almost made us blow our gasket. How we react under those incongruous conditions of pressure can and could make a whole world of difference, all things being equal. Kelechi advocates in her video that there are times that we really need to assess a situation and walk away from it before the circumstance begins to control us negatively. Sometimes, walking away from a grave situation does not make us a weakling, sometimes it places us on a pedestal of strength. Walking away at times will help us refocus and redirect our thoughts and energies that will help us re-engage the situation that we are facing more tactfully. This will avail us the opportunity to put ourselves in a position of strength to tackle the condition and come out victorious at the end of the day. Sometimes, when we make decisions in haste in a heated situation, we most times end up making the wrong decision. This is the best time to go into a “woosah” moment and control the situation.

Therefore, it is vital to engage the power of self-control. I am encouraging you to make a conscious effort to control yourself when you face harsh situations that could bring out your worst side of your personality. As earlier mentioned, all your actions are the sentences that form the story of your life.  Leo Tolstoy once said that “There never has been, and cannot be, a good life, without self-control.” Self-control is an art. Learn it. Become the Rembrandt van Rijn of self-control. Become sensitive. Become perceptive. Master the shadow and light of self-control; learn it and let it become your reality. Paint the perfect Mona Lisa of self-control. Become the certified genius of self-control. An anonymous writer once said that “If you learn self-control, you can master anything.” Another anonymous writer also said that “Control yourself or someone else will control you.” It is a challenging task, but those who master this art form gain mastery of the situations that define the narrative of their lives. So, I know many of you reading will be asking, ‘How do I control me?’ How do you go about controlling yourself?

“Self-control is an art. Learn it. Become the Rembrandt van Rijn of self-control. Become sensitive. Become perceptive. Master the shadow and light of self-control; learn it and let it become your reality. Paint the perfect Mona Lisa of self-control. Become the certified genius of self-control.”

Five Pillars of Self-Control

First, make a conscious effort to control your words. The words that you speak are the gateway to your soul. This is in perfect concord with the what a Francis de Sales said that “Our words are a constant index of the state of our souls.” (Paraphrased). Your words carry a lot of weight. What we say has the unction to can build people up or even destroy them. Our words can be a life-giving eclair that is sweet to the soul. On the contrary, our words can also be deadly cyanide that can poison and destroy the soul. The words that we speak can motivate a multitude towards positive or negative acts. For instance, when you say things from a happy disposition, you can pronounce health and life into others. On the contrary, when you say things out of anger, trust me, you could end up saying things that you will end up regretting. We must be deliberate to watch the words that we speak in every situation that we find ourselves. This is the first act of controlling ourselves.

Second, make a concerted effort to control your actions. Our actions are the very letters of the alphabet that constitute the various words that become the sentences of our lives. The process of doing an act is the process of forming the word that defines the situation. For instance, when you help an elderly person cross the street, your action is developing the word “assist.” When you are inspiring people by what you say or do, you are formulating the word “motivate.” When you take what is not yours, your action is creating the word “steal.” Hence, we can confidently say that our activities form the building blocks of the sentence of our lives. We become what we do. What we do defines our existence. As the saying goes, “Action speaks louder than the voice.” Do not behave irrationally in the face of heated situations. We must cautiously watch our actions. Our actions are what gives us accolades or denunciations in life. In other to cultivate the mastery of self-control, we must, therefore, watch our all our daily actions. Our actions eventually become our habits. This is one of the great wisdom of writing an acceptable and winning narrative of our lives.

Your actions will morph into your habits

Third, endeavor to control your thoughts. Our thoughts are the aquifers that supply and re-supply our actions. Our deep-seated-thinking form the nucleus of our activities. Our thoughts sculpt and fashion what we eventually do. René Descartes’ famous philosophical proposition was “I think, therefore I am,” translated from the Latin words, “Cogito ergo sum.” An unknown author once said that “Our thoughts can help us more than doctors and harm us more than brickbats.” Our thoughts are powerful. They possess the power to help us in the situations of life. Our thoughts if channeled wrongly can also hurt us. For instance, in challenging circumstances, you could be prone to embracing a negative outlook that can lead you to spiral downwards into the cesspool of bitterness that could cripple your will to achieve and be a better person. Stay away from the dark side of Darth Vader-like thoughts and anger. In the process of developing the art of self-control, we must learn to control how we think. In the words of Mark Twain, “Life does not consist essentially—or even largely—of facts and happenings. It consists largely of the hurricane of thoughts that are forever blowing through one’s mind.” (Paraphrased). 

Fourth, in learning to control yourself, be careful of who you keep around you as a company. Human beings are social creatures. As we interact with one another, we begin to imbibe qualities from one another consciously and unconsciously via the principle of social diffusion. When we make it a habit of hanging around the wise, we gradually start inculcating the wise attributes of those that are wise. When we make it a habit of hanging around the foolish, we slowly commence instilling the stupid traits of those that are senseless. As we socialize with one another, there is a comingling and diffusion of behaviors by association. We become who we follow. We become who we associate with. The acts of those that we follow find ways of diffusing into our very lives. There is power in association. The prevailing associative attributes are the agents that are responsible for creating the culture of societies. Napoleon Hill once said that “Ponder twice before you say anything. The reason being that your words and sway will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” (Paraphrased). When you team up with like minds that believe in the power of self-control, there is every tendency that you will learn the art of self-control yourself. On the other hand, when you synergize yourself with people who do not control themselves, you may end up behaving like them also. Remember the Yiddish Proverb that says, “One rotten apple spoils the other.” There is an inherent power in the company that we keep.

Bad company corrupts good manners, just like one rotten apple spoils the bunch

Finally, make controlling yourself a habit. Your habit is who you eventually become. Your mannerism will ultimately form your personality. Your personality will eventually shape your life purpose. In the art of learning self-control, you must make this art a custom as you learn to earn from the proceeds and benefits that it offers. An unknown author once said that “Good habits are difficult to procure but easy to live with. On the contrary, harmful or bad habits are easy to acquire but hard to live with.” (Paraphrased). Acquiring the art of self-control is not a piece of cake. It involves you putting in the time and effort to do so. However, when you do, life becomes easy. Another unknown Author also said that “First we build our habits; then our habits builds us.” Build the habit of self-control. Master yourself. Master your words. Master your actions. Master your thoughts. Master the art of the right company that will in-turn influence you to become the best you possible. Make all the above facts in this article a habit, and they will in-turn, build the best you ever. A Charles Reade once said that we should “Sow an act, and you will harvest a habit. Sow a habit, and you produce a character. Sow a character, and you will realize a destiny.” (Paraphrased). In all your getting and acquisitions, get self-control.

So, say it to yourself, “I Control Me.” When you are in that not so favorable circumstance, say it to yourself “I Control Me.” When you are being edged on to become a negative you—walk away if you must. Speak to yourself and what you assert will eventually become your reality. Control your words. Do not say things that you will end up regretting. Remember, when that word flies out of your mouth, you cannot retrieve it back. It is potent and can build or destroy. Hence, it might just be better to walk away, cool yourself down and then speak with wisdom and knowledge to address your hurt. As already stipulated, control and watch your actions, thoughts, company and make this process habitual as you move forward towards becoming a better you. Do not be hasty to react when under negative pressure. Never allow your circumstance to control you, but always be in charge of your circumstance. Napoleon Hill in his landmark Bestseller, Think and Grow Rich, said “You are the boss of your own fate. You can influence, guide and regulate your own ambiance. You can fashion your life into what you want it to be.” (Paraphrased). So, influence, direct and control the narrative and shape your destiny—I Control Me. 

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Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze is an entrepreneur and the Founder, CEO, Editor-In-Chief of Oaekpost, LLC, a U.S.-based online media company and the parent organization of www.oaekpost.com. He is a multi-niche writer with a wide range of interests in various genres. Agom-Eze is based in the Greater Seattle Area, Washington, and can be reached at ogb@oaekpost.com.

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Leadership

15 Reasons Why Inspiration is a Core Leadership Trait

Do you wish to learn what it takes to influence or inspire great followership as a dynamic leader? Do you want to understand why we believe inspiration is a core leadership trait? Well, look no further. Join us in discovering these reasons and become an inspirational leader today! Please, read all about it!

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Effective leaders express various potentials (i.e., traits or attributes) that distinguish their leadership qualities as exceptional. Traits are distinguishing characteristics or qualities, which may be unique to one’s personal nature. In the leadership macrocosm, there are various theories of leadership (e.g., Contingency, Relationship, Situational, Behavioral, Participative, Management, “Great Man,” Trait, etc.). According to the Verywellmind, the Trait Theories of Leadership assumes that “people inherit certain qualities and traits that make them better suited to leadership.” The Verywellmind espouses the Trait Theory of Leadership spawns from the “great man” theory of leadership that was first proposed by Thomas Carlyle in the mid-1800s. 

“Inspiration is the greatest gift because it opens your life to many new possibilities. Each day becomes more meaningful, and your life is enhanced when your actions are guided by what inspires you.” — Bernie Siegel.

Without delving too much into the origins of various theories, so far, in this leadership discourse on Oaekpost, we are establishing that there are core leadership traits (CLTs) that we see in leaders in various industries. So far, we have looked extensively at the following CLTs in leadership—decisivenessempathy, and optimism. We dove in extensively to explore each of these traits, establishing various reasons why they are CLTs. In the spirit of this leadership discourse, we are moving forward to study inspiration as a core leadership trait.

Leaders Inspire themselves and their teams.

Inspiration is defined as being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, especially when creative. While various elements distinguish leaders, inspiration also sits confidently as a core leadership trait, among other characteristics that determine excellent leaders: honesty, integrity, commitment, passion, decision-making capabilities, accountability, and empowerment. The facts that we will expound on in this piece prove that inspiration is a CLT. Hence, in this article, we will be looking at fifteen salient reasons why inspiration is a core leadership trait and why it cannot be substituted, unlike every other attribute. 

The concept of leadership is all about making a positive effect (i.e., impact) the results in a shift towards good positives (i.e., influence) via animated action (i.e., inspiration). Making maximum impact involves hard and intelligent work that yields results. To attain full results comes from excitement in the work you and your team are doing. Getting your teammates to operate at this level as a leader requires getting them excited (i.e., inspiration). Inspiration is akin to an aquifer that springs from the depths of the soul from within yourself. It requires you to tap into the subterranean wells of positivity deep within your subconscious.

15 Reasons Why Inspiration is a Core Leadership Trait

Inspiration is the spark that leads the group.

Creative leadership is a process that has three constituent parts. The first is an electric inspiration. It is an energy that keeps pulling you up when you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders like Atlas. The second is execution, and it goes hand-in-hand with inspiration. Inspiration without hard work can never get the job done. Finally, the third is the release, the product of the invested effort. For leaders to attain the heights of effectiveness and achievement, inspiration and action are vital. Inspiration is the spark that leads the pack/group. Let us now investigate the fifteen (15) reasons why inspiration is a core leadership trait. Let’s go:

#1. Positivity 

Inspiration as a leadership trait in leaders radiates positivity.

Inspiration allows discerning leaders to always find the bright side to issues of different nature. Leaders who understand the essence of inspiration understand that gloom and doom only accomplish nothing. Because of this, they find themselves hopeful in all situations, challenges, and adversities. Effective and efficient leaders stay positive by not losing out in the face of unexpected challenges, as doing otherwise communicates a wrong message to their followers. Inspiration as a leadership trait in leaders radiates positivity. While a leader may be very passionate about what he does, inspiration would see them weather storms seamlessly. 

#2. Gratitude

To be quite honest, a little praise and thank you here and there for a job well done never hurts.

In almost all situations, inspirational leaders are found to be grateful. Gratitude is their attitude. They take praises when they should and, in turn, share it with others when they are duty-bound to do so. Leaders like this understand that nothing weakens the commitment and dedication of a team as much as the thought that their efforts go unnoticed. In the business space, leaders who fail at appreciating their employees are always at risk of high turnover, lower output, and decreased commitment, which would only help the business retrograde into nothing. Maybe this is why inspired leaders hand their followers’ some small gesture of gratitude when it’s most appropriate. To be quite honest, a little praise and thank you here and there for a job well done never hurts. 

#3. Visionary 

Leaders like President His Highness, Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan of the United Arab Emirates (UAE), turn arid lands into futuristic cities. (NB. Image is not the UAE, but it could be in the future).

Inspiration sees. Many leaders steer positions of leadership with enviable farsightedness and vision. Great leaders are known for their strength in articulating vision clearly that people don’t have any reason to fear or have doubts in their minds. The “I Have a Dream” Speech of Martin Luther King Jr. seems to be an obvious example. Inspired leaders are always convinced about their future and express it through words, actions, and beliefs. Consider inspirational political leaders that are forthright in their disposition; these individuals precisely know the goals they want to achieve for their followers. These passionate leaders go the extra mile to achieve a proposed vision for their people and themselves. 

For instance, President His Highness Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan of the United Arab Emirates (UAE) is undoubtedly a sage and visionary leader. According to the Gulf News, Sheikh Zayed, “in the 265-page book, Zayed a Nation in One Man, is written in English and Arabic, made history by turning an arid and hostile desert into a green and hospitable environment. In addition to his ability to use the country’s resources to bring about enduring prosperity to his people.” His leadership is nothing but visionary. Many countries could emulate his example in accomplishing visionary feats. Organizations lacking visionary leadership will eventually collapse.

#4. Listening 

“…brilliant inspirational leaders practice an open-door policy, which allows their team members to opine when they want to.”

Inspirational leaders are always good speakers, mainly because they can communicate their ideas brilliantly. However, that doesn’t stop them from listening. They are often the best listeners. They understand the difference between hearing and listening. While the former presents someone who isn’t interested in what others are saying, the latter depicts someone who wants to respond appropriately to others’ commentaries. Listening to others is also one of the most significant signs of respect. Hearing people and pretending to listen to them, in other words ignoring them, is abhorrently disrespectful.  

In the business space, brilliant inspirational leaders practice an open-door policy, which allows their team members to opine when they want to. Thus, they see them contribute their ideas to achieving organizational objectives. Inspirational leaders listen to their followers and cull information to transform their organizations. No individual is a no it all. These passionate leaders are attentive listeners, and this positions them as accessible. The art of listening to them is an information harvesting farm that allows them to lead with charismatic and transformational effectiveness.  

#5. Communication

Inspirational leaders are excellent communicators.

It is tough to find an inspired leader who isn’t a good communicator. If there is; then, the percentage would be pretty insignificant. The fact is that the inability to channel inspiration into proper communication routes only births nothing. A leader who is incapable of communicating effectively has stopped his own progress. Inspiring leaders understand they have to take the right amount of time to share their thoughts and ideas if there would be growth. The lack of communication can lead to misunderstood messages, hurt feelings, and incorrectly completed projects or assignments, which is not beneficial. 

#6. Trustworthiness

Trust is the crucial link in the success of every organization.

One exciting aspect of inspiration is that leaders who inspire are almost always trustworthy (i.e., dependable, or reliable). Leaders who don’t motivate their employees, followers, and partners to always look up to them and tell the truth are doing something wrong. They need to go to the drawing board and begin instilling this vital quality in them. Trust is the crucial link in the success of every organization. When employees and followers respect and admire the leadership they receive, inspiration can follow. Trustworthy leaders are the ones who challenge decisions and actions head-on. They often have a strong bias for action, and other leaders and followers always look up to them for guidance. 

#7. Passion

“Passion is the push that propels passionate leaders to inspire their followers. They must light the fire within themselves and unleash the flames on their followers.”

Passion has been known to be one of the most pleasing drivers of inspiration. In the same way, having enthusiasm for a subject or course is totally personal. The excitement that an inspirational leader exudes is also subjective. Passion is the push that propels passionate leaders to inspire their followers. They must light the fire within themselves and unleash the flames on their followers. If a leader cannot explain why he does what he does, his says, his actions, and what drives his decisions, he isn’t fit to be a leader, not to talk of being an inspirational leader. Inspirational leaders keep their dreams, goals, and vision at the forefront of their minds while ensuring their followers aren’t just following but convinced of why they are following. 

#8. Courage 

It takes the courage for a “pawn” to step out to fight a “King” and his elite forces.

Aristotle rightly posited that courage is the first among other virtues that make others possible. Inspirational leaders are almost always bold. In nearly all cases, people are careful in selecting who they follow. They need to be sure their leader is courageous (i.e., bold, brave, fearless, unafraid, daring, spirited, or gutsy). More often than not, stalwart characteristics and inclinations get others going when the going gets tough. The courageous disposition of the inspirational leader is encapsulated in the famous saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” A phrase often attributed to both John F. Kennedy’s father and the American Coach K. Rockne. It was also popularized by Billy Ocean’s homonymous song.

“When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” 

No one is perfect, even the inspirational leader. However, it takes extraordinary courage for an individual that others see as gutsy to accept the weakness that a mistake portrays. However, courage nudge a leader to fess up to his fault when he finds one. They do not start trading blame with their followers or fellow leaders. Embracing that one is wrong may seem like a weakness of its own. As a matter of fact, accepting that one is amiss in an issue is an extraordinary strength on its own. 

Leonidas was indeed a special breed of inspirational leader with fiery courage!

In the Battle of Thermopylae (480 BCE) during the Persian Wars, it took courage for the Spartan, Leonidas, and his three hundred Greek soldiers to resist the Persian King Xerxes I and his horde of soldiers at the mountain pass of Thermopylae. They fought the advance but failed. They fought to the death! However, this is definitely a lesson on inspirational courage. Whether they lost or won, they inspire us to stay courageous no matter the might of strength of the resistance.

Spartans! What is your profession? HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH! 

“Spartans! What is your profession? HA-OOH! HA-OOH! HA-OOH!” 

Inspirational leaders are risk-averse. Meaning that these leaders courageously take calculated risks. It highlights the leader’s strength of having a strong bias for action. We must note that being risk-averse does not mean that the outcomes of such decisions are always positive. Some may turn out positive or negative. When the former happens, it is a feather of tacit knowledge experience that goes to the cap of this leader. However, when the latter happens, an inspirational leader gets back to the drawing table to work something new out with his team.

#9. Generosity 

Inspirational leaders live by the position of this phrase. Lifting others flows through their veins.

According to John Maxwell, a good leader takes a little more than his own share of the blame and a little less share of credits. Inspiration does a lot in helping leaders understand this very fact. An inspired leader understands that he needs to celebrate his employee’s or follower’s success as much as he celebrates his, which clearly explains generosity—the inspirational leader gives liberally, many times more than they receive. They are not selfish. They live out the phrase, “We rise by lifting others.” It’s also common among these leaders to inspire their followers to do their very best—not for personal gains, but to show care, love, and affection for individuals.  

#10. Humility

For inspirational leaders, their true north is humility.

It is in the habit of inspired leaders to be humble. C. S. Lewis feels humility is not about thinking less of oneself but in the thinking of bringing oneself down. Inspired leaders don’t allow authority and power to get into their heads, and it doesn’t stand in their way when they make decisions. Humility is the key to success for inspirational leaders. Humility is the compass that prevents them from losing their ways in the macrocosm of leadership. It keeps them grounded and curbs their enthusiasm for overindulgence in the fruits of success. Humility is the barrier that halts arrogance and any self-indulging trap in inspirational leaders. 

In the business world, it’s common to find this type of people jumping on the odd jobs, or better still, joining their employees at work. They don’t mind working shoulder-to-shoulder with their followers. They never look down on their followers with an air that they are better than those that follow them. They are never full of themselves. For inspirational leaders, humility is the catalyst that keeps them surging forward. It’s always challenging for them to ask what they can’t do from those they employ. If they send their followers to the trenches, be sure that they will not hesitate to jump into those trenches themselves if push comes to shove. For inspirational leaders, their true north is humility. 

#11. Authenticity 

Inspirational leaders are authentic (i.e., genuine, or real). Their authenticity is the magnetic draw that keeps their followers following.

Inspiring leaders are authentic in their words, actions, dealings, doing, and undoing. Hubert Humphrey opines that leaders are who they are, and they speak from their guts and heart. Inspired leaders are always honest in their dealings, which they preach to their followers directly or indirectly. Inspirational leaders are authentic (i.e., genuine, or real). Their authenticity is the magnetic draw that keeps their followers following. They don’t send their followers looking to understand their ways on a wild goose chase. That is a share waste of time. Why waste valuable time unraveling the mystery of why their leader isn’t coming out straight to them? Such would quickly erode their confidence and trust in their leader and job. However, it’s important to note that they are not always perfect but earn respect by standing by their talk—they talk the talk and walk the walk. 

#12. Approachability 

“I feel every leader should be approachable. As a result, I have cleared my desk for you. Speak, I am all ears.” Is this you?

Inspiration help leaders figure out that they should be approachable to ensure their employee and followers’ growth, development, and progress. Also, they are always open to challenges, criticism, and viewpoints different from theirs. Inspirational leaders understand that restrictive workplaces or organizations (i.e., environments where people don’t speak up, offer insight, and ask questions) will stifle progress. Such places often never experience sustainable development and growth, as everyone keeps bottling up their negative notions, where they should be speaking out. Convinced leaders create an atmosphere that relaxes everyone while ensuring the free flow of ideas and thoughts. Their approachability fosters a learning environment culture.

#13. Accountability 

“Inspirational leaders are accountable for their actions.”

Michael Armstrong explains the connection between inspiration and accountability with a brilliant illustration. He said in Ancient Rome, there was a common tradition with engineers who constructed arches. Whenever they were done creating one, as they hoist the capstone, the engineer who worked on the arch essentially assumed responsibility for it. He does so by standing under the arch. The action shows he is accountable for the stability of the outcome of his structure. It inspires his workers and everyone else on the stable quality of his work.

Inspirational leaders are accountable for their actions. Such accountability shows their transparency and sincerity and drives up their credibility with their followers. Such leaders tend to always have the back of their followers. They don’t throw blame and shield themselves from accountability when the situation calls for it. Inspirational leaders know that they are not above the law. They take responsibility for their action, which draws respect from their followers. One line is standard with this kind of leadership; they are almost always never afraid to say the buck stops at their desk.

#14. Purpose 

“Leaders with a sense of intent help materialize the dream—via purpose, they lead the way while others follow.”

Leaders with a sense of purpose don’t lead by pointing and telling people the direction. They show their followers by heading to the place and making the case. These are the words of the late Ken Kesey, the American novelist, essayist, and countercultural figure. Inspired leaders understand the difference between a sense of purpose and vision. At the same time, the former involves understanding why you are heading for where you are going. The latter explains the clear idea of where you are going. It’s common knowledge that people are always happy to be a part of something bigger than themselves. Leaders with a sense of intent help materialize the dream—via purpose, they lead the way while others follow. 

#15. Stick-to-it-iveness

Persist! Stick-to-it! Endure! Don’t stop! 

Considering all the factors above, inspirational leader knows that they don’t just all work out at once. A Big Bang Theory does not happen and causes the manifestation of all these qualities in a whoosh! They understand that they get perfect gradually, adopting the ‘slow and steady wins the race’ mantra. They are adept believers in the stick-to-it-iveness philosophy. No matter the obstacles they face in the way, they persevere. They lean on the staying power of will as they cultivate and grow all the reasons we have mentioned here and beyond. Inspirational leaders have grit, are diligent, have stamina, with a firmness of purpose to achieve. Their cups are always overflowing with Sitzfleisch, and their followers benefit from this flow.

Be inspirational! Be that Leader!

If you must become an inspirational leader, too, then it’s okay if you act on these qualities one after the other. Start by embracing and working on all the traits we have mentioned above. The attributes are—positivity, gratitude, vision, the art of listening, practical communication skills, becoming trustworthy, passion, courage, generosity, humility, authenticity, approachability, accountability, purpose, and a stick-to-it-iveness or persistent mentality. The more instinctive you get, the better you internalize the features. 

“If you believe in yourself and have dedication and pride – and never quit, you’ll be a winner. The price of victory is high, but so are the rewards.” — Bear Bryant. 

I’m sure you have learned a lot about what it looks like to be an inspirational leader. Are there some reasons you feel should have been on this list? Do you have testimonials or stories of inspirational leadership in action? Please, be sure to comment and let us know. While I’m sure you would improve yourself, note that if you work on stuff you like and are passionate about, you don’t need a master plan. Everything would find its way of falling place. Wishing you every success as you embark on your journey on becoming an inspirational leader!

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Is the Bible the Only Word of God?

Scriptures refer to any writing or book, especially when of a sacred or religious nature. In Christianity, the Old or New Testaments’ sacred writings constitute the Holy Scriptures, which is the Bible. Is the Bible the only Word of God? Find out more via this intriguing long-form piece. Please, read all about it.

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Is the Word of God written in the Holy Canonized scriptures, the Bible, the only Word of God? The question above is something I have been asking myself for a while now. I will provide my thoughts and answers as I am inspired to write like the old greats, who also wrote under the inspiration of the Pneuma of God (i.e., Holy Spirit). What I write will make many minds tingle in awe or wonder. Some will question these writings, as I expect all my readers to do. All I write is a heavy burden on my heart to explore and share. So, as you read, ask the Holy Spirit to help you understand the words you read in this piece. I hope that this piece draws you closer to God through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Amen. However, before I delve into that question, “Is the Word of God written in the Holy Canonized scriptures, the Bible, the only Word of God?” Let me explore deeper into the Scriptures as the Inspiration of God.

“God writes the Gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars.” — Martin Luther.  

Paul, writing to Timothy in a letter, said, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”1 The Holy Spirit inspired Paul to write a letter of encouragement to Timothy, his mentee. He obeyed and penned all down according to His inspiration and direction. Under canonical acceptance and description as scriptures, his letters are sanctioned as part of the Bible. He heard what the Spirit of God was saying through him (Paul) to Timothy, and he wrote it down in the letter as directed in obedience. His quirks are always faithful to the heavenly vision, even in his capacity as an inspired letter writer.

“All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”1 

Now, Peter writing to the Messianic church communities (i.e., Christians scattered throughout the then Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia), states that the epistles or letters of Paul are scriptures. He says that “Therefore, beloved, looking forward to these things, be diligent to be found by Him in peace, without spot and blameless; and consider that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation—as also our beloved brother Paul, according to the wisdom given to him, has written to you, as also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things, in which are some things hard to understand, which untaught and unstable people twist to their own destruction, as they do also the rest of the Scriptures.”2 Peter here acknowledges that the Pauline letters were part of the inspired sacred scriptures. If Peter refers to Paul’s letters as “Scriptures,” then, “What are Scriptures?”

#1. What are Scriptures? 

The Christian Scriptures in the Bible contain the Words of God.

We can over-egg the pudding, expounding the word “Scripture.” Dictionary.com affirms that scripture is “the sacred writings of the Old or New Testaments or both together.” It also means “any writing or book, especially when of a sacred or religious nature; or just a particular passage from the Bible.” (NB. In the case of this piece, we refer to scripture as Christian Scripture). Following the above definitions, when Paul wrote his letters, he was quoting from the Old Testament, a text complete at that time. However, the breadth of Paul’s assertion of “all scriptures” would consist of any writing that is deemed authoritative enough to be read publicly in the church. Hence, for a more rigorous emphasis, “a scripture would be any writing that is deemed authoritative enough to be read publicly in the church at large.” At the end of the first century, the four gospels and the Pauline epistles were under the classifications as “Scriptures.”

“I have a fundamental belief in the Bible as the Word of God, written by those who were inspired. I study the Bible daily.” — Isaac Newton.

All Scriptures are God-breathed. The breath of God is the life of God. The breath of God is the Word of God. He spoke His Word—He breathed His life—and all that is, became real at His express command. The Holy Writ establishes that “The Lord spoke the command, and the world was made. The breath from his mouth created everything in the heavens.”3 The breath of God is the Spirit of God. To support this point, the Holy Writ further establishes that “The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.”4 From what Job said, we can see that the breath of God is the all-powerful force that gives life through His Spirit.

“…the breath of God is the evocative force that gives of life through His Spirit.”

In the context of Paul’s assertion to Timothy, we can affirm that God breathed His life through His Word, which is Spirit,5 through Paul to Timothy through his letter. Miraculously, God communicated His Word to men and led them to write these words down for permanent preservation. These men wrote then the very Word of God, inspired and unfailing. The fact is that “What He (God) did yesterday, He (God) is doing today, and He (God) will do tomorrow.” Nevertheless, we cannot disprove the individuality of literary style. However, the very words Paul wrote and the ones that believers of God write today rise through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. The Bible says that “These things we also speak, not in words which man’s wisdom teaches but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual.”6 

The Bible says in 2 Peter 1:20-21 that “knowing this first, that no prophecy of Scripture is of any private interpretation, for prophecy never came by the will of man, but holy men of God spoke as the Holy Spirit moved them.” (King James Version (KJV)). The Word of God in the Bible is a product of God’s inspiration. No prophecy (i.e., the anointed proclamation of words of edification, exhortation, and comfort; a prediction at times) recorded in Scripture or Bible is of private interpretation. Prophecy does not arise from man’s will but via holy men of God who spoke as the Holy Spirit influenced them. The writing in the Bible is God’s Words, given by God to holy men, under the persuasion of God’s divine power through the Holy Spirit, the Inspiration of God.

#2. The Profitability of Scriptures

Studying the scriptures is in every way profitable. Read your Bible, pray every day, and see transformation brew in your inner being.

The Bible is not a mere collection of human stories, fables, myths, or merely the construct of human ideologies. It is a collection of writings birthed via the breath of God—His Word, His Spirit, in His Person. The writers wrote all that God instructed them to write. God, the Holy Spirit, revealed His person and plan, via His Words, to certain believers—then and now. These believers then wrote down these messages for His people and the world. All scriptures are profitable to transform us via its influence. Hold fast to it.

“Hold fast to the Bible. To the influence of this Book, we are indebted for all the progress made in true civilization, and to this, we must look as our guide in the future.” — Ulysses S. Grant. 

The whole process of God’s revelation and move encapsulate “Inspiration,” which is “a divine influence directly and immediately exerted upon the mind or soul.” In their unique historical and culture-themed context and settings, these writers wrote with their unique talents, language, and style under the power of the Holy Spirit. Their target audiences were/are the minds of all humanity. They wrote down authoritative words then, and this practice continues today. 

The Word of God in the scriptures is profitable to transform our lives.

All Scriptures are God-breathed. It is the life of God, the Word of God, and it is the Spirit of God, all in unison. Apart from being infallible (i.e., trustworthy, or sure), it is also beneficial—it is advantageous towards causing a positive change in our lives. It is transformational. There is benefit or usefulness in every scripture—whether it’s the genealogies or even obscure passages—there are benefits, they are all helpful. But the million-dollar question is, “How are the words in scripture beneficial?” Let’s explore these pluses:

#2.1. Scriptures Teach Us
The Word of God is profitable to instruct!

Scriptures possess the capacity to teach us what is true and what is not valid. The scriptures are profitable in teaching us the mind of God in many areas of interest as it concerns the Trinity, angels, man, sin, salvation, sanctification, the church, and future events to come. There is a need to reject any teaching contrary to biblical doctrine. We must be apt to leave, correct, or replace it with a more accurate instruction from the scriptures.

#2.2. Scriptures Reveal Our Errors
“But all things are exposed when they are revealed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.”7 

The same way a tactical flashlight dispels darkness at great intensity, the scriptures are also beneficial in casting light directly on things in our lives that are displeasing to God. They are suitable for standing against the arrows of errors thrown at us by the enemy. They are potent in making us realize what is wrong in our lives. Biblical truth in scripture owes no apology to error. It exposes all who err against what is right with no remorse. The scriptures reveal our mistakes and rebuke us lovingly. 

#2.3. Scriptures Correct Us
The Bible is like a Global Positioning System (GPS). It takes us from where we are to where we want to be. Scriptures, in a similar vein, is the GPS of your Soul.

Scriptures straighten us out. Scriptures don’t only point out the errors in the labyrinths of our subconscious and our waking lives. It also provides us with a blueprint of how we can correct ourselves. It is like a Global Positioning System (GPS). When you are traveling with a GPS, and you miss your way, it alerts you on the error you have made. However, it further remaps your route to reconnect you to your initial established path or trail. Scriptures, in a similar vein, is the GPS of your Soul. When you err, it alerts you of your error. However, it goes beyond that as it charts a new pathway to bring you to your expected end in the journey of life.

#2.4. Scriptures Offer Righteous Instruction
“The Bible will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from the Bible.” — Dwight L. Moody.

The scriptures offer moral instruction in the way of holiness—it teaches us to do what is right by showing us how to please and glorify God. It guides us on how to live and lead a godly life. It fleshes out all we need for life and godliness. If we walk with the Words of scriptures, it will rewrite the script and codes of our ungodly nature for good, better, and best. Running the rewritten code of our transformed lives results in a more beneficial outcome that delivers an expected end. Purpose in action becomes the expected end or output.

“Purpose in action becomes the expected end or output.” — Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze. 

Scriptures or the sacred Words of God to us will make us winners. It is potent to transform. It is expressly powerful to deliver a power punch to anything that opposes our existence. God spoke yesterday, and we have it in the Bible document. We have seen that the scriptures are beneficial for teaching us what is true and realizing what is wrong in our lives. We have also seen that scriptures straighten us out and lead us to do right. Now, the question is, “Is the Bible the Only Word of God?” Let’s finally tackle it.

#3. Is the Bible the Only Word of God? Exploring Propositions

Woman reading inside a huge book

Is the Bible the Only Word of God? I would say, “No.” Before you begin to chew me out or call me names and shut me down—hear me out first and let us reason together on the premise of scriptures. In his message to Timothy, Paul said that “The inspiration of God gives all scripture.” The word inspiration means “an inspiring or animating action or influence. It is a thing or person that inspires. In the context of this writing, to inspire means to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence.” In Theology, as we previously covered, “inspiration is a divine influence directly and immediately exerted upon the mind or soul. It is the divine quality of the writings or words of a person so influenced.”

“To what greater inspiration and counsel can we turn than to the imperishable truth to be found in this treasure house, the Bible?” — Queen Elizabeth II. 

What was given by the inspiration of God was spoken and some written. The Holy Writ establishes that “There are many other things Jesus did. If every one of them were written down, I suppose the whole world would not be big enough for all the books that would be written.”8 We can establish from this statement that not all that Christ did and possibly said was recorded verbatim—it obvious if that if you try to write them all, not all books in the whole wide world could ever contain them. Do the “many other things Jesus did” not written make them less the words and acts of God? God moved in Time past and sundry manners. We learn of Him because inspired people wrote of what they saw and heard from Him. God is still speaking today as he did yesterday. 

God is still speaking today as he did yesterday. 

To provide a perspective to the question, “Is the Bible the Only Word of God? Let us logically analyze some premises by looking at facts from the written word. Here are the assumptions:

P1 – God is always Speaking.

P2 – God is Constant.

We can prove the above premises via the Bible. Let us start by proving the first premise, P1, which establishes that “God is always speaking.” There are numerous positions in the Bible that support P1. There will be no room to contain all the facts; hence, we will highlight some of those positions as proof. 

“God is always speaking, and He doesnt plan on stopping any time soon.”

God is always speaking—in every place and moment. His voice is always audible to all via his spoken and written word (Bible). He speaks through circumstances in our lives, chaotic or random. He is always talking. However, to hear Him, we must tune to the frequency of His voice. If you are off frequency, you will not hear Him.

To hear God, we must tune to the frequency of His voice.

The Holy Writ says that “God speaks in different ways, and we don’t always recognize his voice.”9 He establishes that “My sheep know my voice, and I know them. They follow me.”10 Furthermore, “And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.”11 Also, God says that “The Spirit shows what is true and will come and guide you into the full truth. The Spirit doesn’t speak on his own. He will tell you only what he has heard from me, and he will let you know what is going to happen.”12 Much more, He establishes that we should “Ask me (God), and I will tell you things that you don’t know and can’t find out.”13 God speaks to us continuously via the Bible too. It states, “Everything in the Scriptures is God’s Word. All of it is useful for teaching and helping people and for correcting them and showing them how to live. The Scriptures train God’s servants to do all kinds of good deeds.”14 Finally, in proof of P1, the Holy Writ establishes that “Long ago in many ways and at many times God’s prophets spoke his message to our ancestors. But now, at last, God sent his Son to bring his message to us. God created the universe by his Son, and everything will someday belong to the Son.”15 I can go on with this proof; however, let us proceed to the following premise, P2, that “God is constant.”

God is more constant than Pi, π.

The premise, P2, stipulates that “God is constant.” In essence, this means that God never changes or waivers. God is more constant than Pi, π. We can trust Him to always remain faithful to Himself. The Bible establishes that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”16 The Bible also confirms that “For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed.”17 Hence, you can never attribute a Delta (), the mathematical symbol for change, to God. Also, the Word of God establishes that “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”18 It also stipulates that “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?”19 The Bible also states that “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”20

Again, further proving the second premise, P2, the Bible states that “Of old, you laid the foundation of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you will remain; they will all wear out like a garment. You will change them like a robe, and they will pass away, but you are the same, and your years have no end.”21 It also states that “Forever, O Lord, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens.”22 It also says that “The counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of his heart to all generations.”23 Also, the Holy Writ further states that “Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.”24 It also posits that “Your faithfulness endures to all generations; you have established the earth, and it stands fast.”25 His abounding love and omnipresent grace are also never-ending as we can see in the statement that “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”26 In conclusion of the proof of P2, the Word states, “To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.”27

Can we deduce a proposition from the premises, P1 and P2?

We have taken the liberty to extensively expound and delve deep into the proofs of both premises, P1 and P2. In proving P1, we can ascertain that God is always speaking to us humans in various ways via the multiple scriptures. His voice is always there to guide us when He nudges us in one direction or the other. God always guides us through constant speech towards the truth via His Omnipresent, Omniscient, and Omnipotent Spirit. When we ask Him of anything, He speaks back to us. We can honestly say that “God is always speaking,” making P1 valid through the scriptures. 

Concerning God’s unchangeable and constant nature, while looking at the proof of P2, we can say that God is the same through all times and seasons. He declares that He does not change or waver in His personality, and we can always take that to the bank. There is no variation in God—He is constant. While all things in the flesh and spiritual change, His Word stands forever. Via many scriptures, we can genuinely assert that P2 is valid that God is constant. 

“…because God cannot change, He will never stop speaking.”

Hence, we can draw a Conclusion (C1) that because God cannot change, He will never stop speaking, quod erat demonstrandum (QED). So, although the words in the Bible are His, which He will never contradict, it is not the only Word of God. Let us now establish some facts based on the analysis of the two premises above as we look at some logical arguments that expound further that the Bible is not the only Word of God.

#4. The Bible is NOT the Only Word of God—Our Argument

The Bible is NOT the only Word of God—Still, have some doubts?

After looking at the analysis of the above premises, we can conclude that God is always speaking, and He never changes. Hence, can you then say that the inspiration of God is finite in the context of what He spoke? Can we conclude and say that the only Word of God is what we have in the Bible? It cannot be because the inspiration of God is infinite. We technically cannot box God into one book, the Bible. All the books that inspired men and women ever wrote and that will ever be can never contain all God has spoken, all He is saying now, and all He will ever say through all eternity. 

“Unlimited books cannot contain the awesomeness of God’s provocation or wisdom. It is more expansive than broad and more profound than the deepest depths. We cannot fathom it even if we tried.” — Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze.

The Holy Spirit moved holy men who were careful to speak and write their supernatural nudging in some cases. Some were inspired to write their past, present, and future. However, the words given do not sum the totality of the inspiration of God. The triune Godhead is Omniscient, so it is impossible to compute the totality of the inspiration and Wisdom of God. Unlimited books cannot contain the awesomeness of God’s provocation or wisdom. It is more expansive than broad and more profound than the deepest depths. We cannot fathom it even if we tried. We cannot restrain His inspirationit is more comprehensive than all the macrocosms put together. We cannot contain His wisdom.

“We cannot restrain His inspiration—it is more comprehensive than all the macrocosms put together. We cannot contain His wisdom.” — Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze.

Hence, asking, “Is the Bible the only Word of God?” I would say no with a high emphasis via the above-mentioned biblical proofs. Why? Because the inspiration of God is infinite—it is limitless. It has no beginning nor end. God chooses what to communicate, and He shares it with holy men and women that He inspires. As God spoke to the holy men and women of old, He is yet speaking today to all those who are careful and cautious enough to listen to Him in holy fellowship. 

Note the emphasis on holy fellowship. God will share the deep and Holy things in the limitless seas of His inspiration, wisdom, and knowledge to those who align to His nature of holiness. He is of purer eyes than to see evil and cannot look at wrong.28 God is forever looking for men and women to talk to in holy fellowship, to say the very least. Many are not in unison with him due to the stain of separation—sin.

“However, when we make peace with God via the Way, the Truth, and the Life He has provided (i.e., through Jesus),29 He begins to forge a bond with the individual.” Have you made peace with Jesus?

 However, when we make peace with God via the Way, the Truth, and the Life He has provided (i.e., through Jesus),29 He begins to forge a bond with the individual. In constant fellowship, He continues to speak. And if holy men and women today are careful and cautious as the holy men and women of old, they would be prudent to hear and record what God is saying to the world.

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God believe also in me.” — Jesus Christ.30 

Many years ago, in Church Sunday School, there was a song we used to sing at my childhood church. The Sunday school teachers always use this song in a game-like fashion to pick students to recite a verse of scripture that they know. At the end of the class singing the musical verse, the teacher points out a student. The student must stand up and recite a bible verse from memory. The lyrics song are as follows:

God has something to say,
God has something to say,
Listen, listen—pay great attention,
For God has something to say!

* **

In line with this Sunday School song, I can say that God always has something to say. When we read the Bible, God speaks to us via the prophecies and the promises recorded therein. However, aside from what we have on record in the canonical scripture, He is yet speaking today. However, one thing is sure is that God will never contradict Himself—His words a sure and steadfast—more steadfast than the Rock of Gibraltar or any mountain in the world or universe at large. He will constantly affirm and support what He has said in Time past. 

God is more steadfast than the Rock of Gibraltar or any mountain in the world or universe at large.

God speaks to us in the present. His words now do not contradict what He said in the past. He supports it wholly because God cannot lie or contradict Himself, as we have seen and show in the premise above, P2. Hence, I believe that God is not constrained to just what is in the Bible. He always has something to say. So, as He speaks, He will constantly affirm what He spoke in time past, what He says in the present, and what He will say in the future. Hence, via proof, the Bible is not the only Word of God.

#5. Conclusion 

God is the author of Time, Space, and matter and is unaffected by them.

God cannot contradict Himself. He spoke to us in the past. God continues to talk to us in the present. He will continue to speak with us in the future. The Time, Space, and Matter continuum cannot constrain the Almighty God. He is the author of Time, Space, and Matter and is unaffected by them. Hence, He is outside the Time, Space, and Matter continuum. He is greater than the trinitarian trinity of all things created. He is outside of and sees all of Time (i.e., Past, Present, and Future). He is outside of and more expansive than all of Space (i.e., length, width, and height). He is outside of and more substantive than all Matter (Solid, Liquid, and Gas). He is God. He is the I AM constant.  

“God is bigger than people think.” — Jimmy Dean. 

God is beyond the Time, Space, and Matter continuums—He is outside them. God is constant. He is always speaking. We cannot contain God nor His Words in a book, even the Bible. As much as the words in the Bible, via proof, are not the only Word of God. The fact remains that God will never contradict Himself. God can choose to share His inspiration of past happenings that no one knows about through the immense and limitless treasuries of His wisdom. He can decide to share the future adventures we have yet to see come to manifestation. Continuums (i.e., Time, Space, and Matter) cannot contain nor constrain Him because He is outside of them as they are His creations. His inspiration is infinite and not constrained by any limitations. So, drawing a second Conclusion (C2), to say that “the Bible is the only Word of God” is to contain and restrain His limitless and constant personality and inspiration.

Embark on the adventure of Bible Study!

The long-form treatise you are reading is a nudge to introduce you to the person of God. The piece is not to dissuade you from reading the Bible. Contrary to it, it encourages you to get into the adventure of studying the Bible even more. It is a nudge for you to develop an intense relationship with God that is beyond and most excellent than all continuums. The humbling thing is that He is desirous of a deep and passionate connection with you. In the link comes communication. You will speak to Him and hear Him speak more words to you. 

However, the fact remains that we are not robots, cyborgs, or Artificial Intelligence (AI)—we are humans. He does not program us to relate with Him automatically like we program robots or AIs to respond to what we want them to do. As humans, we have free will to say yes to a relationship or no. When we willingly connect with God, He is bound to always speak His words to us, beyond more than we could ever ask or think. 

“We are not robots, cyborgs, or Artificial Intelligence (AI)—we are humans.” — Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze.

Once again, “Is the Bible the Only Word of God?” No. Hearing more of God begins at reconciliation and continues with a relationship with Him. The Bible says that “For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.”31 Next, He wants a relationship with us. The Holy Writ says that “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him.”26

relationship with God consists of several things. In finalizing this discourse, let us condense what a relationship with God that will draw out more of God’s words via his constant speaking and communication with you. First, a deep connection with God starts with building a bond of trust— “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”32  

“A deep connection with God starts with building a bond of trust.” — Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze.

Second, we must embrace absolute devotion to Him (i.e., worshipping and praising Him only and always—you cannot have any other God before Him.33 Third, we must constantly communicate with Him (i.e., prayer,34 listening/hearing,35 and writing down/recording36 what He says to us). Fourth, we must serve Him as we relate to Him.37

“I believe that God is not constrained to just what is in the Bible. He always has something to say. So, as He speaks, He will constantly affirm what He spoke in time past, what He says in the present, and what He will say in the future. Hence, via proof, the Bible is not the only Word of God.” — Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze.

Reconciling and relating to God are the bedrocks that will elicit more Words from God. Once again, “Is the Bible the Only Word of God?” A “No,” is my answer with a Quod Erat Demonstrandum (QED). Do you disagree with the position of this piece? I clearly would love to hear your opinion with proof (i.e., back up your positioning of reason with facts from the Word of God (i.e., Bible), experiences of your walk with God, etc.). Let us have a healthy discussion in the comments.

References

[1]. 2 Timothy 3:16-17, New King James Version (NKJV). [2]. 2 Peter 3:14-16, NKJV. [3]. Psalm 33:6, Easy-to-Read Version (ERV). [4]. Job 33:4, English Standard Version (ESV). [5]. John 6:63, NKJV. [6]. 1 Corinthians 2:13, NKJV. [7]. Ephesians 5:13, Modern English Version (MEV). [8]. John 21:25, EXB. [9]. Job 33:14, Contemporary English Version (CEV). [10]. John 10:27, CEV. [11]. Isaiah 30:21, ESV. [12]. John 16:13, CEV. [13]. Jeremiah 33:3, CEV. [14]. 2 Timothy 3:16-17, CEV. [15]. Hebrews 1:1-2, CEV. [16]. Hebrews 13:8, ESV. [17]. Malachi 3:6, ESV. [18]. James 1:17, ESV. [19]. Numbers 23:19, ESV. [20]. Isaiah 40:8, ESV. [21]. Psalm 102:25-27, ESV. [22]. Psalm 119:89, ESV. [23]. Psalm 33:11, ESV. [24]. Psalm 90:2, ESV. [25]. Psalm 119:90, ESV. [26]. John 3:16, ESV. [27]. 1 Timothy 1:17, ESV. [28]. Habakkuk 1:13, ESV. [29]. John 14:6, ESV. [30]. John 14:1, ESV. [31]. Romans 5:10, ESV. [32]. Proverbs 3:5-6, New International Version (NIV). [33]. Exodus 20:3, ESV. [34]. Philippians 4:5-7, ESV. [35]. John 8:47, ESV. [36]. Habakkuk 2:2 and Revelations 1:19, ESV. [37]. 1 Samuel 12:24, Colossians 3:23-24, and 1 Corinthians 15:58, ESV.

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Motivation

Defeating Chucky – How to Beat Dire Life Albatrosses

We all know the scary Chucky. This piece attributes traumatic experiences and life albatrosses as synonymous with the horrendous Chucky who fights lethally dirty! Please, read all about it as I share insights on the existence of Chucky through life’s challenges and how to deal with them.

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Photo Credit: Adobe Stock Photography; Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash.

We all know Chucky—yes, scary Chucky? If you are a fan of horror stories, then you must have watched Chucky from the late 90s till date, as the franchise keeps us on the edge of our seats with each release. As horrible as Chucky the serial killer is, many people have asked if Chucky truly exists. What if it genuinely exists but not as you see it in the movies? Chucky could exist through horrendous life’s challenges that we experience. We must approach them head-on and deal with them. 

“I don’t run away from a challenge because I am afraid. Instead, I run towards it because the only way to escape fear is to trample it beneath your foot.”  Natalie Comaneli.

As we see in the movie, Chucky is that fictional serial killer that we are all afraid of, a point noted. We hide in closets avoiding the sharp blades it wields without mercy. We find a way to run out of the closet seeking help. However, that person we’re running to for assistance is also running from Chucky. One second you feel you’re safe, and the next second, Chucky is right behind you. Okay, not to scare you, the truth is that most of us have faced Chucky one way or the other. Some of us are still facing Chucky through life’s challenges that could be horrible or traumatizing.

“Some of us are still facing Chucky through life’s challenges that could be horrible or traumatizing.” Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash.

What are these Chuckies? What are these traumatic experiences that we are ascribing the appellation “Chucky” to in this piece? By the way, “What is a traumatic event?” According to Healthline, a “traumatic event is an incident that causes physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological harm.” Some examples of these traumatic experiences include physical pain or injury (e.g., severe car accident), serious illness, addictions, war, natural disasters, terrorism, witnessing a death, rape, domestic abuse, workplace abuse, incarceration within the criminal justice system, betrayal, etc.

The shock and effect of these life-attacking Chuckies can be devastating. On many occasions, many people live with the impact of these traumas without addressing them. Memories of their experiences often haunt many, that it at times cripples their will. Not managing the effects of these dire life albatrosses can be devastating to the victims of these traumas. This opinion piece gives Chucky victims a way of escape and a road map towards healing.

5 Ways to Beat the Chuckies of Your Life

Fight Back! Put on your fight face and get ready to rumble!

Are you currently running away from Chucky (life’s horrors)? Here are practical ways to overcome complex challenges that life throws at you. Please, note these are the personal opinions that I proffer. They aim to guide you on how you can begin defeating the Chucky (i.e., trauma) that currently haunts you. However, if you find yourself in a terrible place, we recommend that you not substitute the advice here for professional advice. We advocate that you seek immediate professional help to help you dig yourself out of the hole you find yourself in today. So, what are the ways to beat the Chuckies of your life?

#1. Take a Deep Breath

Just take a deep breath! Just breathe!

Let’s start with the breathing technique. Breathe in, breathe out. Could you do it again like up to 10 times? How do you feel? Great right? Okay, let’s face it. Life horrors can be challenging. It could come in the form of depression, loss of a loved one, failure, or something scary or something that hurts deeply. To face these challenges, we recommend you take a deep breath. You can defeat Chucky no matter how difficult it will be at the end of the day. The truth is that it will be difficult, and not everyone will survive it. However, you’ve got to be strong so that you can be among the survivors. Just breathe!

#2. Stop Hiding

You can’t hide forever! Stop hiding and face your Chucky!

Now, come out of your closet. It’s okay. I know you feel safer hiding in there. Oh, you’re not in the closet? You’re finding refuge somewhere. You’re still hiding because you are so afraid to face your reality. Sadly, you can’t hide forever because Chucky still lurks around and knows where you are, earnestly desirous of slitting your throat. No matter what the tough life challenge is, you can’t always run away from it! So, pull yourself together and stop hiding. 

#3. It’s All in the Mind

Winning the fight starts in your mind! Set yourself free!

Your mind is so powerful! If you can fight the battles in your mind, you can overcome anything that life or Chucky throws at you. Unlike what’s seen in horror movies that even the brave gets killed. In reality, you start by defeating Chucky in your mind. How do you do that exactly? It begins with changing your beliefs and creating new realities. If you believe that Chucky can defeat you, then no matter what you do to protect yourself, you may still be defeated because you have not defeated Chucky in your mind.

“Battles are fought in our minds every day. When we begin to feel the battle is just too difficult and give up, we must choose to rise above our problems.” — Joyce Meyer.

I used to run away from Chucky a lot, just like many people do today. I hated life. The fact that I was facing complex life challenges made me question my existence. I lived a defeated life, always running and hiding from the truth. Even those I took solace in were tired of hearing my life horrors because they too were facing their own Chucky. I was so tired of being defeated that I consciously decided to win the battles in my mind through daily victory affirmations! As I did that for days, weeks, and months, I started winning the defeat matches in my mind. I started creating new realities for myself. You, too, can start experiencing the freedom that comes with new realities after defeating the horrors in your mind. 

#4. Face Your Fears and Fight

Stand your ground! Face your fears and fight! Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash.

From my experience, winning the battles in your mind helps you challenge your current reality. Stop giving Chucky room to defeat you when you are more robust than it is. Yes, it will be challenging, but you can win this. You have been able to defeat the horrors in your mind. You can now brace up and fight because your life depends on it. Beating the addiction, the pain, the struggles, and other life horrors you may be facing can come to an end. It may be a slow fight because the more you fight, the more Chucky claws hurt your mental health and psyche-skin. The more you face Chucky one on one, the more you’re likely to be wounded by its sharp blade but keep fighting. 

#5. Clean Up Your Wounds and Own Your Scars

Clean up your wound and own your scars!

You’re bleeding. The fight with Chucky was bloody, but one person has to win, and that is you. Congratulations! You’re a survivor, and the story ends beautifully because of the victory. You look back and stare at Chucky’s dead body, and you’re proud of yourself. No one else could have defeated Chucky, but you and you did it. Now, this is how it feels when you have overcome horrible addictions and painful losses. Or life’s frustrations that weigh you down and seem to suck out the life from you slowly. Just like how Chucky slowly kills its victims when it chooses to. 

And the winner is…You, of course!

The truth is that it is challenging to eschew Chucky 100% of the time. We all face life challenges from time to time. When we encounter Chucky, we first need to recline and take a deep breath, clear our minds, and then strategize an attack. Second, we need to stop hiding from the Chuck that plagues us. We must muster some courage to fight back! Third, remember, it is a thing of the mind. Use daily affirmations to build new realities. Fourth, face Chucky and fight. It’s as simple as that! Fifth, clean up your wounds and own the scars of the battle.

“Challenges are what make life interesting. Overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” — Joshua J. Marine.

Once again, as stipulated above, this article can be the first point of action against any Chucky that battles you. However, do you feel like you are at a deep end of a situation? Is Chucky is choking the life out of you? Do you feel like giving up? We advise you to seek professional help ASAP. Don’t fight the battle alone if you need to. A problem shared is a problem half-solved. Don’t let your life albatross win! You’ve got this! Defeating your Chucky is possible!

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Motivation

Breaking Free from the Rat Race Lifestyle

According to Lily Tomlinson, the problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat. There is more to life than being stuck in a rat race that leaves one empty at the end of it all. Knowing how to escape the rat race lifestyle is essential to living a more fulfilling life. Please read all about it here.

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Have you ever been so engaged with too much activity that drained you of so much energy, time, and resources? Despite all your efforts, you are still left with a sense of underachievement. Have you been so engrossed with chasing a dream that was never yours? Yes, it wasn’t your dream, but you chose to be a part of that dream because of pecuniary gains that will accrue because of your association with the pursuit. You may very well be stuck in a Rat Race loop—like a hamster, running around on the crazy loop of routine and repetitive life sans all fun and a sense of fulfillment.

“Alive or just breathing?” — Unknown.

How about celebrating Fridays because you are running away from your official obligations? What you thought was a channel of making money and meeting your ever-increasing needs has suddenly become a chore. It is now replete with dreadful thoughts of waking up on a Monday morning to continue the routine of turning up in your office and signing off before the close of working hours. You’re suddenly stuck in a monotonous loop filled with perfunctory activities that must take place to fulfill a ritual, all in a bid to prove that you exist on the face of the earth.

Are You Part of the Crowd?

Are you part of the crowd? Are you part of the rat race?

Are you part of the crowd? Are you part of the rat race? By the way, “What is a rat race?” The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines rat race as “a strenuous, wearisome, and usually competitive activity or rush.” Wikipedia defines rat race as “an endless, self-defeating, or pointless pursuit.” When we engage in this lifestyle, we ignorantly enmesh ourselves in an inordinate search. A quest that is laced with competition for wealth, power, and fame. This is precisely how the pressure and demands of this world have conscripted many of us to live. 

“The term Rat Race comes from the race between two rats to get the piece of cheese at the other end of the room. First, by trying to outrun each other. In the process, they spend more energy than the reward is worth.” — Dr. V. Subramanyan.

When it becomes evident that the overhead is rising, the monthly and yearly expense seems to be overshooting, making it difficult for the meager income to satisfy the ever-increasing expenditure. When it appears as if you have been left behind in the affairs of life, your schoolmates that were once your play pals are no longer giving you the same “class” handshake. These are some likely scenarios that plunge us into this race. In the words of Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze, “The rat race is all about keeping up with the Joneses. Because of this, we are on our marks, getting set to run the rat race of life. At the boom of the gun, we sprint, pushed by our insatiable cravings.” Now, that is food for thought.

“The rat race is all about keeping up with the Joneses. Because of this, we are on our marks, getting set to run the rat race of life. At the boom of the gun, we sprint, pushed by our insatiable cravings.” — Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze.

Once these scenarios are given thought to, without considering the basics, the natural thing to do at this point will be to explore every available option that presents itself as an avenue for making ends meet. We start scampering through life like two rats running across the room, expending more energy than it’s worth to gnaw our desires on the cheese of life. This is where this irreverent pursuit sets in. At this point, caution is thrown to the winds. 

A mad completion sets in and schemes are hatched on how to outsmart a colleague. The goal is to get ahead of them or get a promotion before them by hook or crook. Standards are compromised, character and integrity are never mentioned, all in a bid to make ends meet while neglecting and trading the core principles of life. All these actions have obvious negative and terrible repercussions when disobeyed, but only a few think about this before making that move. This, in summary, is what the rat race means, and this is how it is seen in our society today. 

There is a Higher Plane to Operate and Live In

We can transcend above the rat race lifestyle one step at a time.

We can live and operate in a higher plane to help us transcend above the rat-race lifestyle and mindset. We can top the rat-race lifestyle one step at a time via the way and discovery of purpose. If we strive to discover and pursue purpose, we can live a more fulfilling life. There is a reason why we are here on planet earth, and it is tied to solving problems and meeting needs. A life based on this ideal brings relevance, satisfaction, and joy devoid of self-defeating, needless, and pointless pursuit.

“Knowing your life purpose is the first step toward living a truly conscious life. A life purpose provides us with a clear goal, a set finish line that you truly want to reach.” — Simon Foster.

When we focus on our purpose, this needless, self-defeating pursuit or entangled in the rat race becomes a thing of the past. Every individual here on this planet earth has a reason for being here. That reason is seated deep within us, crying for expression. It is that silent but loud voice within our spirit, resident in our core, trying to express itself through ideas and thoughts that momentarily flash through our minds. But in ignorance, we have neglected their nudging. We ignore their calls and continue walking on the common paths of life that mar us rather than make us into who we are meant to be. 

Follow the leader—an aviation rat race!

According to Etymoline, the earliest use of this term was in 1934 about aviation training. The terminology connotes a simple game of “follow the leader” in fighter planes. The leader does everything in the book—Immelmanns, loops, snap rolls, turns, always turns, tighter and tighter. In the game, other pilots try to follow in pursuit. The game, strenuous at best, was a fiercely competitive struggle. Or simply think about a rat wearing itself out running in a maze, the same way people in life get entrapped in a rat race.

Little wonder our activities as individuals can be likened to the strenuous pursuit of an air rat race. Or being compared to the rodents in a maze. We use the term “rat race” to qualify our actions when it lacks such a definite and straightforward approach in its pursuit in life. The rat race is a strenuous and endless pursuit of means. It’s like a dog chasing its tail.

How Do We Beat This Trap? 

Exit the rat race now!

What do I do to exit the hamster wheel of the rat race? Discover what it is you are here for. This will require a careful but assertive introspection. Look within yourself. When you do this, you will likely find that which you have been looking for outside. This will require asking cogent questions. Give attention to the ideas and thoughts that flash through your mind. Once those ideas and thoughts come, write them down. 

It doesn’t end there; you need to act by taking steps to see that they come to fruition. Everything we see today once existed in the thought realm. It was an action that moved them from the thought realm to the realm of existence. You can have all your dreams, purposes, and passions in the world. However, the process becomes futile if you fail to act on them. So, what else do you have to do to escape the rat race of this life? Let’s see:    

#1. Focus

To achieve anything of worth requires focus!

It will require focus to achieve anything of worth, even to break free from the rat race you are in. Most individuals today lose focus due to pressure from the challenges of life. When you discover your “Why,” the end product of the pursuit will not be immediate. There will be adverse circumstances contrary to your expectations that will arise. But for you to see your “Why” materialize, you must remain focused. The Pinhole camera and the magnifying glass show us the power and effect of focus from elementary physics. Such clarity and penetration will be the resultant effect that will accompany your pursuit when you remain focused. 

#2. Determination 

The face of determination sweats firmness of purpose.

Another word for determination is the firmness of purpose. This is your resolve to go through whatever challenges that will arise during your pursuit of purpose. One of the things that will help your resoluteness will be your ability to concentrate, refusing to be swayed by the loud voices that will try to persuade you to renege on your resolve to go ahead with that which you have discovered; to be your “Why.” 

“No individual has any right to come into the world and go out of it without leaving behind him distinct and legitimate reasons for having passed through it.” — George Washington Carver.

Our inability as individuals is to discover and focus on our Why, is what plunges us into the rat race in the first place. The American motivational speaker, author, and minister, Eric Thomas, Ph.D., said that “The discovery of your WHY and an answer to your WHY brings to an end this “Rat race.” When you find your WHY, you don’t hit snooze anymore! You find a way to make it happen!” Developing the inherent potentials that will aid us in bringing our Why to the point of value. Our inability to do this most times is the reason for so much frustration that is common in our societies today. 

Our relevance is tied to the solutions we bring to the pervading problems bedeviling our families, communities, and our nations at large. Finding that pain point to provide a solution is a sure way to break free from the rat race plaguing many. These solutions are found in our Why. Everything created in life offers a solution to a particular need and is tied to your Why. We must focus our gaze on our Why. After discovering it, we must show great determination to act and break away from the rat race that holds us back from becoming our very best. Go ahead, find out your “Why!” With your contribution and mine, the world will become a better place for us all.

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Motivation

Pay Attention to the Road Stupid!

Some people live in the past so much that they forget to live in the now. We can learn from the past, but we should never pitch our tents there. Let us look forward to the prize ahead in the future by building in the present. Using a driving allegory, let us understand more about this. Please, read all about it.

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Some people live in the past so much that they forget to live in the now. The past is an astute teacher that instructs us on previous happenings that allow us to live better in the present to have the future that we desire. Albeit an intelligent teacher, we cannot remain perpetually in his classroom. We must quickly apply the lessons we garner from the past to the present. Our present determines our tomorrow.

“Step on the past lessons and transcend. Dwell on past laurels, and it will likely drown your present like a millstone hanging around your neck.” — Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze.

Dwelling perpetually in the past will make us miss out on the present happenings that determine our tomorrow. Whether good or bad, lessons from the past can positively or negatively affect our everyday living. Learning suitable lessons from the past helps us shape our present for the better. We grow, we evolve, we become the very best that the universe has to offer. Wrong lessons of the past can either become mistakes we can avoid in the present if we heed their lessons. However, we can repeat mistakes of the past if we fail to learn. 

“Doing so would likely drown your present like a millstone hanging around your neck.”

Hence, we only need a quick glance back to the past—learn and move forward to become that person that destiny intends us to become. Once again, dwelling on the past, whether good or bad, can negatively hamper our present, which affects our future. No wonder many end up having ghastly Destiny-Accidents that dot their lives and existence. In the words of Robert Plant, an English singer and songwriter, once said that “The past is a stepping stone, not a millstone.” Step on the past lessons and transcend. As you wade through the waters of this life, don’t dwell on past laurels. Doing so would likely drown your present like a millstone hanging around your neck.  

A quick glance back to the past is akin to the automobile driving process in some ways. But how? Have you ever wondered why you have one big front windscreen in your car and three small rearview mirrors? When driving, you look forward to the road via your front windscreen, right? As you go, you take swift glances backward through your rearview mirror at the center of your front windscreen. Or you use your side rearview mirrors to monitor your left and right sides as you flow and navigate through. Sometimes when driving, you may need to turn to the left or to the right quickly to check your blind spots.

“…you use your side rearview mirrors to monitor your left and right sides as you flow and navigate through.”

However, when you drive, you focus 99.5% of the time on looking at the road ahead. The other 0.5% of the time is spent using your center rearview, and two side mirrors to take a quick glance backward or to the sides. In addition, you also take quick glances at your blind spots to make sure that you are not missing anything. The essence of this all is part of the defensive driving process to ensure that you are staying clear of others on the road. Although the hypothetical percentage of viewing the sides and rear while driving is infinitesimal, it could be the key to a life-or-death situation on the road. Also, these days, people take quick glances at their phones while driving—a bad and dangerous habit, to be honest. (NB. Don’t text and drive).

The previous paragraph explains the normal process of driving. We spend the predominant amount of our driving time paying attention to the road ahead. We do our best to avoid distractions while we survey the road as we drive. However, what would happen if you flip the script in percentages? If you spend 99.5% of the time looking backward and 0.5% of the time looking forward on the road through your windscreen, what will happen to you as you drive? Umm, your guess is as good as mine—you instantly become a danger to yourself and others on the road. You will most definitely have an accident on the road, and may God help you if you survive the crash. Pay attention to the road stupid!

“You will most definitely have an accident on the road, and may God help you if you survive the crash.”

Don’t get me wrong, the past is essential. There are things in everyone’s past that teach them—successes, Relationships, Trauma, etc. Harvey Mackay, an American businessman, author, and syndicated columnist with Universal Uclick, once said that we should “Learn from the past, but don’t live there. Build on what you know so that you don’t repeat mistakes. Resolve to learn something new every day. Because every 24 hours, you have the opportunity to have the best day of your company’s life.” The past is a learning place, not a dwelling place. Take a glance at it and let it inform your present. 

So, regarding the past, we are meant to take a quick glance at it, learn, and continue moving forward. Focus on the road ahead—focus on your destiny, goals, ambitions, and purposes so that you can get to your destination in one piece. However, we must spend 99.5% of the time looking ahead; looking to the past should be 0.5% of the time. Just the same way, we take agile glances at our center rearview and two side mirrors. Flip the percentages in this metaphorical analysis. If you spend 99.5% of your time looking at the past losses and victories you have experienced—you will soon be a goner. You will crash your destiny so bad that you will become history yourself.

But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven.”

Friends, do you think that Paul of Tarsus was a boneheaded idiot when he made that statement in Philippians 3:12-14 that “I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So, I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don’t feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done?” (Contemporary English Version (CEV)) Far from that, he was a sage at best to say that “we keep our eyes on the mark, the bullseye ahead,” so that we don’t shipwreck our individual causes.

“Life is a culmination of the past, an awareness of the present, an indication of a future beyond knowledge, the quality that gives a touch of divinity to matter.” — Charles Lindbergh.

So, what has happened has happened—we cannot change the past. What is behind us are lessons. We can only pick up the blocks of history to build the edifices of our tomorrow in the present. The building blocks of your historical heritage are of no use when you remain in the past. Even if you had a DeLorean to go back in the past, it is still not humanly possible to build in the past. We can only create now. So, don’t be stupid to not pay attention to the road of your destiny. Pay attention to the road. Keep looking ahead to the end of your purpose and destination. Feed the data from your past into the Central Processing Unit (CPU) of your present. Use this information to write the program for your future. Carpe diem!

  

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Motivation

15 Stratagems for Bouncing Back When Out of It

Are you fed up with everything? Are you at the point where you are ready to throw in the towel? Don’t give up yet—don’t give in at all. Learn the fifteen things you can do to pick yourself up when you are at your wit’s end! Please read all about it!

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Life is indeed a rollercoaster. We are constantly in the game of Life’s ups and downs, and quite honestly, we sometimes do feel burnout and get to the point of wanting to give up. But we don’t have to give up. As the saying goes, if life throws you lemons, make lemonade out of it. Simply put, you don’t have to hit rock bottom before you get out of the rut. Use the challenges that life throws at you and make something good out of it. Make good use of the difficult times in your life.

“I have to pick myself up every day and say, ‘The show must go on,’ meaning Life as I know it must go on, whatever the obstacle is, I know I can handle it, and I can get through it.” — Jennie Garth. 

No one’s life is perfect; we all have one thing or the other that poses a challenge. Chances are, the bills we must pay, the family we have to provide for, the work we have to go to, or perhaps the fact that you are out of a job are all good enough reasons to weigh us down. Life always has a way of hitting us from various angles that could hinder our psyche and will to continue. However, what you make out from those circumstances is what matters most. Our approach to these life changes is what makes the difference at the end of the day. 

Life at times deals us cards that we don’t expect. It can be crushing. However, what you make out from those circumstances is what matters most.

For example, you’ve been to several job interviews and only get rejection letters. It’s depressing. However, it is not enough for you to give up. Your problem may not be a career dilemma. It could be financial problems, health issues (e.g., the COVID-19 Pandemic), mental health variances and exhaustion, relationship issues, and other forms of stress. Ask yourself questions, how can you re-strategize? What can you do differently? Where can you make lifestyle adjustments to help better your current circumstance? These questions will help to offset the idea of giving up.

“Failure at some point in your life is inevitable, but giving up is unforgivable.” — Joe Biden, 46th U.S. President.

Many things could cause us to get fed up with Life. However, the rule of the game is never to give up. Thomas A. Edison once said that “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.” Getting fed up and giving up should never be our option. Because of this, I have put down the following practical steps that will help you learn how to overcome self-rejection and regain self-confidence. You will be a much happier person and live a fulfilled life. Let’s dig into some of these steps: 

#1. Call a Spade a Spade!

Call a spade a spade! Keep it real! Be brutally honest with yourself!

Let’s be honest here. You cannot tackle a problem if you don’t first admit there was one. You must come to a point whereby you tell yourself the truth. You must keep it real and acknowledge that something is not going the way you want it. Don’t sit and pretend that everything is fine when you know it is not. Instead, sit yourself down and think about it for a moment. What are those things that are not working out for you right now? Once you have a clear admittance that something is not right, you can start all over again.

#2. Discover Who You Are

Do you know who you are?

You won’t appreciate yourself if you don’t know your true worth or what you want to make out of Life. Self-awareness is essential when you are on a journey of picking up yourself. The fact remains that if you don’t know your worth or who you indeed are, you might continue on a cyclical journey. No one wants to be called a champion in the game called circle. You want your life to be full of purpose and meaning. 

“Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they’re supposed to help you discover who you are.” — Bernice Johnson Reagon.

To help you drill down this point more, first, try out a personality test. Second, take a pen and a small notebook, find a quiet corner, or time and write down your likes, dislikes, personality traits, hobbies, and family history—you can ask family members to help with the family history. Third, once you’ve done that, take some time and reflect on your notes. These questions should give you a better understanding of who you are at the end of the day. They would help you know who you want to become. 

Understand your personality.

When doing the personality test, be honest to write both your good and bad traits. The truth is that we are all made up of both good and bad characteristics. If you are hot-tempered, funny, attractive, hostile, sensitive, open, defensive, etc.—write what pertains to you down. Doing so will help you distinguish the good from the bad. It will also help you start working on improving these bad traits. The good news is that there is room for change if you so desire. 

“I think self-discovery is the greatest achievement in life, because once you discover yourself and accept what you are, then you can fulfill your true potential and be happy.” — Marco Pierre White.

This simple personality test exercise allows you to define your characteristics, know yourself better, see yourself in a well-adjusted manner, and above all, inspire you to become self-aware and make changes. If you wish to take a more profound journey to discover who you are, grab a copy of the book, Unearthing Your Latent Potentials: Discovering the Gems of Your Subliminal-Self by Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze. The author takes you on a practical journey that gives you answers on who you indeed are. 

#3. Have Self-Confidence 

“Yes, you!” You are all that and a bag of chips. Stay motivated and self-confident!

Once you have discovered who you truly are, embrace it and have confidence in your ability and qualities. In the words of Marcus Garvey, Jamaican political activist, publisher, journalist, entrepreneur, and orator, “If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life.” Having self-confidence boosts your energy to focus on your goals and keeps you motivated. Realistically, confidence is not an attribute one is born with, to say the least. It is a virtue or trait that you cultivate over time. The more you practice, the better you will get at it. 

#4. Appreciate Yourself

“No matter how awkward you might think you are, appreciate yourself!”

Why wait for others to appreciate you? Every individual is unique and has different purposes. No matter how awkward you might think you are, appreciate yourself! Your uniqueness distinguishes you from everyone else because that is your unique identity, and you can use that to change the world. Enjoying yourself requires you to own up to your imperfections. After all, no one is perfect. Also, dwelling more on your positive traits rather than negatives will help you see yourself in a good light. 

#5. Be Grateful

Being grateful is a personal choice. You must be intentional about it. 

Having a grateful attitude will help you to pick yourself up quicker. Why? Because it allows you to appreciate people and things around you. It also opens your eyes to realize where you have come from, which gives you a humble perspective of Life. You may not be where you want to be at the end of the day, but it often is quicker for us to forget what we had or where we used to be. Joel Osteen, the American pastor, and televangelist, once said that “Choosing to be positive and having a grateful attitude is going to determine how you’re going to live your life.” So, it pays to be grateful for where you are now and your accomplishments thus far. Being thankful is a conscious choice that you must make. You must be intentional about it.  

“Every day, I like to wake up and remind myself to be grateful for the simple things.” — Miranda Kerr.

One effective way to develop a grateful attitude is by keeping a gratitude journal. Create a journal daily for a week or as you wish, write down things that you are thankful in Life for as it comes to you. Start from your body, walk your way down to your personality. Write about what people say they like about you. For example, do you like the shape of your nails, your dressing, your hair, the tone of your voice? Put them down. Do you like that you are a confident individual—you are not shy, or you want to see the best in people—write them down. Has someone ever said they like the way you speak, your smile, or that you have a lovely voice? Write them down. By the time you carry out this exercise for a week, you will have many things to be grateful for at the end of the day.

#6. Think Positive

Cultivate the art of positive thinking.

To be successful in the journey of becoming your best self, you need first to be proactive and develop a positive attitude about yourself. How do you achieve that? Think positive about yourself, and you will see that self-transformation working its magic. Stop thinking of all the things that could ever go wrong or how people will judge you. Channel your energy on how you can succeed at something that seems challenging to you. The more you think positively about yourself, the more it will reflect in your actions, and without any shadow of a doubt, you will feel a sense of satisfaction with yourself. 

#7. Speak Positively About Yourself

Be kind to yourself. Don’t speak bad about yourself. Speak positively about yourself. 

It is possible to think positively about yourself without verbalizing it. There is power in positive self-speak. The speaking aspect of it makes it more real. It gives you a sense of ownership. It reinforces what you believe in because words are compelling. What you say about yourself can either motivate you or demotivate you. It could nudge you into actualizing your dream self, or it could destroy your future eventually.

“Live life to the fullest and focus on the positive.” — Matt Cameron. 

Self-talk reaffirms your purpose in Life. The more you speak positively about yourself, the more you will believe in the meaning of why you are here. Rather than saying ‘I can’t,’ substitute it with ‘I’m able to.’ Your words define you. We end up becoming what we speak about ourselves. Our words are catalysts that motivate our becoming whatever our mind creates. We are what we think. We become what we think because we speak what we believe. What we think and what we say is concomitantly in pari passu. So, do yourself a favor and talk positively about yourself. 

#8. Spend Time with Positive People

Your company and association say a lot about who you are and who you will eventually become. Spend time with positive people.

The company that we keep says a lot about who we are and who we eventually morph into—bad company corrupts, good company elevates. Spending time with positive people is very transformative. Associating with such people helps shift our perspective about Life and readjusts our mindset to positive thoughts too. It also influences our behavior and choices. They make us believe in ourselves and achieve our dreams. 

#9. Stop Complaining

Time out! Stop complaining already!

Complaining without trying to change your situation doesn’t make it any better. It’s ok to vent concerning the things you are going through occasionally. However, it would help if you never made it a habit to always complain about everything. In the words of Harvey Mackay, American businessman, author, and syndicated columnist with Universal Uclick, “Life isn’t fair. It’s true, and you still have to deal with it. Whining about it rarely levels the playing field, but learning to rise above it is the ultimate reward.” Whining or complaining never makes things better. Learn to arise the problems you have.

“A little less complaint and whining, and a little more dogged work and manly striving, would do us more credit than a thousand civil rights bills.” — W. E. B. Du Bois. 

So, when next you are about to complain, stop, think, and ask yourself if it is worth it. Complaining is a limiting action—you make no progress. It makes you toxic and disgusting to others when you are always angry and complaining. In the words of Dennis Prager, the American conservative radio talk show host, and writer, “Complaining not only ruins everybody else’s day, but it also ruins the complainer’s day, too. The more we complain, the more unhappy we get.” Stop it already! Complainants are petty and only adds stress to us. The truth is that it is an unnecessary exercise. Please give it up as it will help to reframe your mind. 

#10. Quit Pleasing Others

Be the reason why someone smiles. In the process of doing so, don’t forget to love yourself.

It is good to be nice to people, help them, and do nice things for them. However, please, please know your boundary. When we aim to please others at our own expense, we deny ourselves the care and attention we need. You need to know your limit and learn to say no sometimes. Pleasing others doesn’t make you any better person than you are already. 

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” — Arthur Ashe.

Often, people are not aware of the way they made you feel. On many occasions, if they treat you in ways that are not welcoming to you, they probably didn’t mean to many times over. Most of the time, the people you are trying to please don’t appreciate your effort, and that’s why it is essential to know when to draw the line. Care and love others but remember to love yourself in the process. 

Remember to love yourself!

Can I drop this here? Everybody must not like you no matter how hard you try. I know it sounds harsh, but without any apology, it is the truth. You can never please everyone, even if you try. Some people are deliberately difficult. You must be intentional in cutting such people off as they are chronic timewasters. So why waste your time, energy, and resources trying to please someone who does not care or appreciate your efforts. Like the quote says above, “…do what you can,” even when it comes to pleasing others. 

#11. Stop Comparing Yourself with Others

Stop comparing yourself with others! You are just stressing your life doing so!

Comparing yourself with others can be very draining and bad for your sanity. It spawns from the pursuit of always keeping up with the Jone’s. It won’t get you anywhere. Stop trying to be like everyone else. Just be yourself! Be grateful for what you have, where you are in life, and who you are! Because if you believe in yourself, you should also be thankful for where you are going. 

“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” — Marquis de Condorcet.

You may not know the secret behind that person’s life that you are wasting your time comparing yourself with and trying to compete with them. Instead of comparing your status with someone else’s, invest your time and energy developing and improving yourself. You can spend some time and money if needed and learn new skills and hobbies. Doing this can make you a better person to the person you are comparing yourself with after all is said and done.

#12. Get Your Hands on Your Passion

Find your passion with young woman holding a tablet computer in a chair

Find what you are good at and explore it more—get your hands on your passion factor and keep it there. It may be that you have the skills to write, and you’ve never discovered that you would love writing until you tried it. The moment you wrote a piece, you felt relaxed, and most importantly, your audience loved it; you then began writing more frequently. Your passion could be anything! We encourage you to lay your hands on it and never let go if it is something positive. Nurture it and grow it until it becomes an enormous metaphorical oak tree of achievement that you could ever envision!

“You can do anything as long as you have the passion, the drive, the focus, and the support.” — Sabrina Bryan.

Spending time doing what you love can be an excellent way to detox your mind of all the negatives. If you are not sure what your passion might be, ask yourself what you love doing in your spare time—that could be the clue that makes all the difference. Do you love knitting, cooking, walking, reading, exercising, or even chatting to friends? You never know; you might start making a living out of your passion once you’ve discovered it. For me, I love baking as a means to de-stress. You could explore how you can start a talk show if you love chatting. Just get your hands on what you love doing and do it more. 

#13. Help Someone

Help someone in your journey as you transcend!

I know you might say, “Umm, wait a second, am I not the one that needs help here? Hey! You can help someone pick themselves up when you are on the journey of picking yourself up. No matter how deep or down you think you are, some other person may be in a more precarious state than you. Someone out there needs your help and your time. You may not have the resources to offer to them, but your time and words of encouragement will make an impact in their journey—intentionally lookout for someone to help. There is a satisfaction that spawns from such altruistic action that allows you further heal and transcend. 

#14. Just Be Yourself

You are unique! Be you!

Being true to who you are is good for your mental well-being. Your mental health is crucial, especially when passing through the doldrums of pain and life pressures. Being true to who you are will help you realize when you need help. If you are true to yourself, you should know the point when you can’t take it anymore and that it is time to speak to someone and seek professional help. In the multitude of proper counsel, there is safety. If you’re tired of everything, it’s okay to ask for help.

“Be yourself, but always your better self.” — Karl G. Maeser.

Be true to yourself. Seek help when you are tired of living! Seek counsel! Don’t take matters into your own hands. Being fed up is normal, but you must never do anything harsh. Some people feel like when they are in that state, they should end it all. Does killing yourself solve the issue? No, it doesn’t. Suicide is the coward’s way out of a bad situation. Be yourself, but always seek help when you feel like you can’t take it anymore. Seek counsel! Seek help when you are in your depths. 

Love yourself!

Just be yourself! Stop trying to keep up with the Jone’s. Don’t pack undue stress on yourself when you know you can’t handle it anymore. Free yourself from the maze of trying to be someone else. Emulation will emasculate the will of your true personality and purpose. Quit trying to be a people pleaser, quit complaining, quit comparing yourself with others! Stop and be yourself! Believe in your intrinsic values! Pursue the golden goals that stipulate your personality with a positive mindset and indulge in your unique attributes.

#15. Pray

Prayer makes impossible situations possible.

The last point I will cover in this piece, “15 Stratagems for Bouncing Back When Out of It,” is the factor of prayer. I don’t think that this piece will be complete without covering prayer. As a Christian, I will share my perspective on prayer and how it can help you pick yourself up when you are out of it. I believe that there is a God who is forever powerful, all-knowing, and ever-present in the lives of those who believe in Him. He is a God of relationship and wants to always communicate in the place of prayer with His own. 

“Darkness comes. In the middle of it, the future looks blank. The temptation to quit is huge. Don’t. You are in good company… You will argue with yourself that there is no way forward. But with God, nothing is impossible. He has more ropes and ladders and tunnels out of pits than you can conceive. Wait. Pray without ceasing.” — Hope. John Piper.

No matter how down in the dumps you may be, God is forever near to pull you out. Cultivate a praying habit. Oswald Chambers, the early-twentieth-century Scottish Baptist evangelist, and teacher said, “We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties.” Focusing on your difficulties will only cause you to sink deeper and deeper into the solar plexus of your problems. William Temple, the English Anglican priest, who served as Bishop of Manchester, Archbishop of York, and Archbishop of Canterbury, once said that “When I pray, coincidences happen, and when I don’t, they don’t.” Prayer is the master key that can help you pick yourself up. Instead, when you pray, God will pick you up. I have done it, and He did it, time and time again.

When you are out of it and at your wit’s end—Pray!

Some people may choose to oppose me for stipulating prayer as a way to pick yourself up when you are out of it, mentally or physically. The opposition may be because you do not believe in God. Oh well, I can’t help you on that note because of your apathy in saying that God does not exist. From my experience, God exists. From all the pointers I have given you via this piece, this point is the most compelling. The reason being that prayer changes things. 

Praying uplifts, you from the darkest dungeons that you may ever be in, to say the very least. No matter what we are going through, we can always look up to God for help. He is always present to answer. Mr. T, an American actor, television personality, and retired bouncer, bodyguard, and professional wrestler, once said that “God is on my side, and that’s all I need. I get up in the morning; I pray to God. I don’t pray to the president, the governor, the mayor, no black caucus, no this and that. I pray to God, and that’s the end of it.” I resign with that.

In Conclusion…

If you are at your wit’s end, pick yourself up and keep moving. Don’t stop! Don’t give up!

In this piece, we have seen fifteen steps to use and pick ourselves up when in a dark and lowly place. First, we must keep it real by being brutally honest with ourselves and the situations we are going through. Second, we must go the extra mile in discovering our purpose. Learning who we are gives us better clarity and direction when facing scalar situations. Third, we must cultivate the art and virtue of self-confidence. 

“To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.” — Jerry Seinfeld. 

Fourth, self-love is very vital. As much as we love and care for others, we must learn to appreciate ourselves. Fifth, we must become intentional in cultivating an attitude of gratefulness. An attitude of gratitude opens the doors to greatness. Sixth, it would help if you become a positive thinker. We become our thoughts—as a person thinks, so is he/her. Seventh, you must learn positive speak—as a person thinks, so they speak. As you talk, so you eventually become.

Stay the course! Stay at it! Don’t give up!

Eighth, spend time with positive people—Iron sharpens iron. The positivity of such people will eventually rub off on you. Ninth, stop complaining. Being a whinner only makes you toxic. Complaining does not solve any problem at all. Stop it already! Tenth, don’t be a people pleaser. I am not saying that you should not be nice to people; however, remember to love yourself when loving others. Eleventh, stop comparing yourself to others. You are just packing a Herculean load of stress on yourself! Be you! Enjoy yourself and the process of your becoming! 

“Life is about how much you can take and keep fighting; how much you can suffer and keep moving forward.” — Anderson Silva.

Twelfth, get your hands on your passion, and don’t let go. It is an excellent way to detox yourself when you are going through the doldrums of life. Thirteen, help someone! No matter how bad you think life is treating you, someone has it worse than you have it. There is healing in helping someone worse off than yourself. Fourteenth, just be yourself. It is as simple as that, to be honest. It will help your mental outlook. Fifteenth, pray. God can help you out of any dark hole.

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Parenting

10 Signs that Child Discipline Has Gone Virulent

Discipline is a gift that we give to our children that turns nobodies into somebodies. However, disciplining our children can quickly get out of hand and become abusive. In this piece, we explore various ways that disciplining our kids can go overboard. Please read all about it.

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Nature thrives on balance and moderation; when you disrupt that balance, all hell breaks loose. Too much of anything can interfere with its natural course, as well as too little of it. Therefore, the excessive disciplining of a child can cause harmful disruptions in their life. In far more cases, parents guilty of this don’t realize the consequences of their overzealousness in imposing discipline on their wards. In fewer cases, the parents don’t know that they’re over-disciplining their child; hence, the need for balance and moderation. 

“Home is, I suppose, just a child’s idea. A house at night, and a lamp in the house. A place to feel safe.” — V. S. Naipaul. 

Ultimately, we must educate ourselves about the difference between right and wrong discipline. The Trinidadian-American actor, dancer, musician, and artist Geoffrey Holder once said that “Education begins at home. You can’t blame the school for not putting into your child what you don’t put into him.” There are ways to know that you are going overboard. We must learn when to stop and retrace our steps before we do irreparable damage that we would end up regretting. Parents must be honest with themselves and determine whether they have gone overboard. This way you’d be able to make improvements.

How many of our kids are suffering in silence?

Consider this piece as a freebie in helping you add value to your mind when disciplining your ward and child upbringing. Some people raise their kids the best way they know how to or mirror how their parents raised them. The strategies they deploy may be wrong, but they stick with what they know. So, consider this piece as an avenue for you to stretch the horizons of your knowledge as a parent. You should be ready to make changes where necessary. Should the need arise, you may need to meet with a child psychologist or therapist to wade into an already dire situation. Whatever it takes that is positive to make the necessary corrections must become the answer.

You may have to humble yourself to the point of accepting honest feedback from your children without being arrogant or bossy about it. Some parents find it challenging to be humble when corrected rightly by their wards. Children are very good at observing—they soak up information like a sponge or preferably Sodium Polyacrylate, the water-absorbent material in paper diapers. They learn more by watching what the adults and peers around them do. When a parent disregards their opinion, feedback, or contribution, they take a cue from this and subconsciously learn that their views are unnecessary. 

“Children are very good at observing—they soak up information like a sponge or preferably Sodium Polyacrylate, the water-absorbent material in paper diapers.”

While this may not always be the case, sometimes, children are forced to view things via this perspective because they live in an atmosphere where silence thrives. Parents should learn to communicate clearly with their children. Instructions should be given out of love and not out of anger. Parents must maintain a high level of emotional intelligence at all times when dealing with their wards. Doing so will bar parents from venting their annoyance on their innocent children who may know nothing about what they are doing. 

10 Signs that Disciplining Your Children Has Gone Overboard

Kids make mistakes, don’t let disciplining your child go overboard.

Some people hang on Proverbs 13:24, which says in the New Living Translation that “Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” There is often a misinterpretation of this verse to mean that physical punishment is the only way to discipline a child—that is not true. A Crosswalk.com study by Kyle Blevins, does a great job expounding this verse. 

“Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.”  Proverbs 13:24.

The rod does not solely mean instilling discipline via spanking alone; far from that, to be honest. The rod leans more on instruction, teaching kids via guidance and appropriate discipline as the occasion demands. It is more of a process of positively influencing behavior in children, not about punishing them, as many parents erroneously believe. The proper act of discipline should be constructive and never destructive. Solely physically punishing your child will eventually destroy them psychologically. Good discipline should cultivate self-discipline that makes them better. It makes them grow into well-rounded adults who are emotionally and socially stable.

The sundry angles of hostile parenting. Illustrations depict the negative and unhealthy ways of raising a child such as quarreling parents, harsh punishment, discouragement, yelling, and negligence.

Child discipline that has gone overboard is a sign of negative parenting. You see this evidence when parents constantly fight or quarrel, entertain no negotiations, dishing harsh punishments, speaking down on their wards, being unsupportive, continually yelling, indulging in an unhealthy lifestyle, etc. An unknown author once said that “If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive. If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself. If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilty…” All that is stipulated here are all products of negative disciplining of children.

However, on the split end of this spectrum, this same unknown author stipulates that “If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be self-confident. If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative. If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love. If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself. If a child lives with recognition, he learns to have a goal. If a child lives with fairness, he learns what justice is. If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is. If a child lives with sincerity, he learns to have faith in himself and those around him. If a child lives with love, he learns that the world is a wonderful place to live in.” Disciplining your ward should be a guide to achieve these grand ideals.

The sundry angles of positive parenting. Illustrations depict the positive and healthy ways of raising a child such as supportive, involvement, reward, encouragement, trust, inspiration, and patience.

The ability to catch yourself when you are straying from positive parenting is very crucial. That is the core of this piece on discipline, especially when it has gone south and overboard. In the words of Gabriela Mistral (pseudonym for Lucila Godoy Alcayaga), the late Chilean poet-diplomat, educator, and humanist, “Many things we need can wait. The child cannot. Now is the time his bones are formed, his mind developed. To him, we cannot say tomorrow; his name is today.” Today, if you have gone overboard in meting out discipline, there is still a scent of hope. So, let’s look at some of the signs that show that punishment in child upbringing has gone overboard.

#1. You Don’t Give Your Children Room for Expression 

“Kids are expressive. You want to give them the chance to be themselves as you raise them.”

Kids are expressive. You want to give them the chance to be themselves as you raise them. Although it is common knowledge that children are inexperienced in so many life matters, it is still relevant to give them the chance to express themselves. When you are too strict on your children, it could lead to them becoming bottled up, and they wouldn’t want to speak up again. Several research and studies have shown that strict parenting produces children who become adults with behavioral problems. Indeed, this isn’t what you’d want for your children, or is it? Think long and hard on this and make a change before it is too late. Give them some room to express themselves.

#2. When You Over Threaten Your Child

Be careful of over-threatening your ward. You will eventually make them hardened and indifferent to your constant punishment. It will also plunge them into becoming more obstinate.

How many times have you or someone you know threatened a child that you’d do something nasty to them if they failed to comply? Without knowing it, you are teaching your child to misbehave. Constantly threatening your ward can harden them. The child gets used to the threat and ends up saying to himself, “After all, what is the worst thing that could happen if you follow through with your threat? Hit me? Oh well, I am already used to that,” alluding to the fact of the parent’s habitual threats and actions. For such a child, they’re no longer bothered about the dangers and parental hostility because it has become a pattern for them. A better way of speaking to kids is via a calm and gentle tone and language choice. The core is gentle guidance that speaks to the heart of their subconscious. That will make the most impact, ceteris paribus. A word is enough for the wise.

#3. Intruding into Your Child’s Personal Life

Kids have a personality, too—don’t impose yourself on them. Allow their independence and individuality to shine.

Children grow to become teenagers and then youths and consequently are young adults before they morph into other phases of human existence. Their growth comes with a new sense of responsibility and maturity. For instance, telling a child that they must study medicine, or a particular course of study is the wrong way of doing things. Children want someone who listens and understands them. They should have some sense of independence and freedom of choice. The worst thing you can do to your ward is to rob them of their sense of choice and autonomy. If they don’t get this from their parents, they won’t feel accepted. Curb your excesses, give them some breathing room to be themselves.

#4. Excess Do’s and Don’ts

Taper down on being too restrictive.

When you make too many rules, it can lead to information overload. The art of imposing too many restrictions—excess dos and don’ts—comes from an authoritarian perspective—an anaconda leadership style. It is very constricting and stifles the psychological life out of its victims. While this is something that can affect adults significantly, think about the repercussions of this on kids. One of the problems that can come from setting so many do’s, and don’ts is that you find it difficult to follow through on kids to know whether they’re keeping to those rules. When you notice this sort of pattern in your approach to parenting or notice it in other parents, it’s mostly a sure sign that discipline has gone overboard. Taper down on being too restrictive. Give your kids some breathing room just to be themselves.

#5. Not Being Available

Please pay attention to your wards, do not neglect them. Be present!

Not being available for your children has a way of affecting their inner core. It may lead to a sense of displacement in some children. It may make the child feel unloved. When parents become autocratic in issuing orders to their children, they will find it challenging to comply with particular instructions, as we stipulated in the previous paragraph and point above. Are you the parent who always shouts at your children? And yet you don’t make out time to be there for them! Such children will never confide in you. They will drift away from you and find other people they will confide in, which is never a good sign of positive parenting.

“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.” —Jane D. Hull.

Not being available could mean that you are never there at pivotal moments in their lives. You hide behind the cloak of always working. Because of this, you never attend their school functions that require their parents to be there. You are never there to assist them with their homework. Even when you are home, you never have their time because you are now a victim of Mobileholism—your life permanently revolves around your mobile phone and other handheld devices. You are never present; you are not there in their lives as their childhood quickly passes by. These become lost moments as you end up losing your kids to the confidence of other adults or peers. On many occasions, the influence they get is not always positive. Please pay attention to your wards, do not neglect them. Be present!

#6. Always Monitoring Your Child

Don’t be a Helicopter Parent.

Do you often monitor your child’s every move? You always want to know all your child’s friends, where they go, what they do and shouldn’t do, etc. You are overbearing and constantly in their business. You scarcely give them room to learn some sense of independence or discover their individuality. We call such micromanaging parent the helicopter parent. While these things show that you are concerned as a good parent, they can also scare away your child. Children, because they are humans just as adults, also deserve some form of space. However, the kind of space they need isn’t as big as that of an adult. 

“Now that I have kids, I’m probably more overprotective than I’ve ever been. My wife’s nickname for me is ‘red alert.’ I sometimes check just to see if the kids are breathing. But I try not to be a helicopter parent.” — Matt Damon.

For instance, while it is good to know your child’s kind of friends. However, it is wrong to prevent your child from having any friends in your neighborhood. Caging them in could be because of the assumption or actual knowledge that most kids in that community are a terrible influence. Or, you may feel that other kids may not come from a privileged class like yourself or whatever excuses you decide to give. As much as there may be wisdom in censoring community relationships, human beings are social creatures—we want to forge relationships with others. No child or human being, for that matter, loves isolation. Children do better in their Education when they have the chance to socialize and play with their friends. Don’t incarcerate your kids to the social cages of lonesomeness.

#7. Is Your Child Withdrawing from You? 

Depressed and lost teenager withdraws from parents.

We always teach our kids not to talk to strangers, which generally makes them withdraw from people they don’t know. However, it is another thing for children to remove themselves from the parents of their parents. In the latter, it could be that the parents are too strict on the child or children. They don’t allow the child to have friends, speak up, express themselves, and open up on things he’s going through, and so on. 

Some parents often spiritualize things in their homes. They teach their children to commit all their problems to God in prayer without striking a balance. That is all well and dandy. However, parents are part of the agents of an answer to a child’s problem. Children should be free to discuss whatever they truly feel with their parents. The validation of their ward’s feelings is part of the answer to those issues. Parents must take proactive steps to address those issues as it builds a deeper child-parent bond of confidence. 

#8. Your Kids Don’t Want their Friend’s Home