Every mother’s story is different, and every experience is unique. But there are specific lies we tell ourselves as mothers that don’t add buoyant feathers to our caps. These lies steal every chance we get to live our best life throughout our motherhood journey. As mothers, we must be honest with ourselves and do our very best to eschew living these lies at all costs; hence, we are presenting this piece.
“I am a woman of many talents, and they’re all just pieces of the puzzle that make me and make my career.” — Michelle Phillips.
The concept of discovery is what adds life to the years that we have here on earth. The article you are reading lends a hand to teaching us to be truthful to ourselves as mothers who also have careers. Hence, if you’re a mom, especially a new mom, then you should read this piece to ensure you’re not telling yourself these lies because life is too short to be an unfulfilled mom. Join me on this adventure. Let’s go:
#1. I Can Do It All Because My Mom Did
Many months ago, I got pregnant, and I feared the new stage in my life that I was entering motherhood. I was running a business, and as a very focused and hardworking person, I didn’t want to slow down the growth of my business. I decided that I will handle the pressure of being a mom and an entrepreneur no matter what. So, I kept that choo-choo train of hard and smart work chugging forward at full speed.
“As women, we have superpowers. We are sisters. We are healers. We are mothers. We are goddess warriors.” — Merle Dandridge.
So, I gave birth to an adorable baby. The joy that comes from carrying your first baby is nothing but exhilarating. However, few weeks down the lane, I could see how much my life had changed for me, and all things were not panning out as I had initially planned. Then there’s the talk from family and friends on not hiring help to assist with the baby because our moms were strong enough to handle being full-time moms and career people. We often overexert ourselves in our bid to be supermoms!
Many mothers believe that they can handle all the stress of parenting. The challenges were coming like darts from every corner, and it can be pretty insane. As much as I had help every once in a while from family members, I still experienced postpartum depression. I broke down mentally, emotionally, and physically because I still had to tie up loose ends from taking care of the home, baby, and work.
“When you become a mom, the last thing you want to do is feel judged because everyone is trying to do the best they can.” — Jessica Alba.
Whether you’re a stay-at-home full-time mom, a work-from-home mom, or a work-away-from-home mom, you can’t do it all. Except you are from the planet Krypton like Kara Zor-El, also known by her adoptive name Kara Danvers, or Super Girl, then I trust that you can do it all. However, if that is not your situation, you may need to rethink putting yourself up to the gauntlet of trying to do too much by yourself.
If you need to hire help to take care of your home or assist with work, then do so. The more you keep lying to yourself that you can do it all, the more unhappy you become. Don’t let the older adults make you feel weak because they did it all during their time as mothers. Getting help doesn’t make you a bad or weak mom. Don’t ever compare yourself or your parenting to that of your mom. You’re a unique individual and a different kind of awesome mom.
#2. I Have to Be Perfect
No mom is perfect. As a matter of fact, no human being is perfect. The quest for perfection is almost like seeking the elusive fountain of youth. However, we can borrow a leaf from the statement of Vince Lombardi, the former American football coach and executive in the National Football League, who said that “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” In the light of this statement, we can say that ‘No mom is perfect, but if moms chase perfection, moms can catch excellence.’
“There is no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.” — Jill Churchill.
We may never attain perfection, even as moms. The goal is to see progress over perfection. We all had to learn on the job. We tell ourselves this lie that we must strive for perfection. However, it makes us hard on ourselves in a genuine sense. Cut yourself some slack, and don’t beat yourself up when handling this thing called motherhood. The most you can do is give it your best shot at every moment but don’t strive for perfection (to avoid unnecessary heartbreak). Seek progress instead. Also, avoid comparing yourself to other moms who may appear to look and act perfectly; the truth is, every mom is confronting their biggest fears.
#3. I No Longer Have a Life
As much as motherhood is a tough job, not having a life is a lie we tell ourselves. Yes, I understand that chores are lingering around. The kids are making you scream and taking all your time. There’s a spouse to give attention to, there are deadlines to meet at your job or business, and the list keeps getting longer. The truth is, we can be intentional with how we live our everyday life by understanding that we also matter, and we need to take care of ourselves.
“You can go slow. Allow your dreams and goals to change, but live an intentional life.” — Kumail Nanjiani.
So how can you be intentional? Prioritize taking care of your own needs too. Ensure you de-stress often. Rest as much as you can without thinking of pending chores. Create a routine for your kids that gives you enough time to have a life that makes you feel good. Getting help every so often allows you to take yourself out on a date, get a massage, do some movies, hang out with friends, and a lot more. Believing motherhood makes you not have a life is a way of promoting an unforeseen sadness you may likely experience from time to time. So, beware.
#4. I Can No Longer Achieve My Life Goals
Many mothers believe that motherhood steals other opportunities related to their dreams regarding achieving their life’s goals and ambitions. So, they console themselves by making their children achieve their dreams to the best of their capability. Seeing this makes some ladies scared of being mothers. Why? Because they believe motherhood has a way of putting one’s life on hold or snatching their youthful dreams away. Sadly, this is a lie we’ve told ourselves.
“Successful moms are not the ones that never struggled. They are the ones that never give up despite the struggle.” — Sharon Jaynes.
If you’re passionate about achieving those set goals you made before you became a mother, no matter how tough it is, you’ll always find a way. It may be a slower process now because of the responsibilities of motherhood and running your family as a whole. However, you can gradually make progress if you latch unto focus, patience, persistence, and doggedness to achieve the impossible. Take notice of the moms around you—some are doing what they love. Why can’t you? All it takes is a decision to make it work.
#5. Marriage Becomes Boring with Kids in the Picture
A marriage that becomes boring when kids come into the picture gives many moms concerns, but this does not have to be true. It would be best if you never based the success of your marriage on having kids in the picture or not. The success of every union depends on the two parties involved, which means you and your spouse must be intentional in working on the relationship and building a happy home.
“As soon as things become predictable, they become boring.” — Hunter Parrish.
There are times in your marriage you will feel a drain of emotions in the relationship. Every union passes through that eye of the needle, and it can be very challenging. No matter the challenges you may face that may seem to sap the excitement out of your marriage, don’t ever blame your kids when your union is hanging on a thread. A marital union can be a lot of work, but it’s in the power of your hands to salvage the relationship and make it work, all things being equal. You and your spouse need to keep spicing it up and make it worth it with the kids.
Every mother’s story is unique in raising children, keeping a family, and managing a career—finding a fulcrum of equilibrium where all aspects of life harmonizes could be challenging. However, many mothers in occupations tell themselves certain lies, overtly or covertly, that need addressing. First, “I can do it all because my mom did.” Don’t overexert yourself in your bid to become a supermom in your quest to attain and surpass the feats of motherhood shown to you by your mom—you will eventually burn yourself out. Second, don’t lie to yourself by saying, “I have to be perfect.” The quest for perfection will rob you of the joys of the process. Seek progressive excellence in your approach.
“If the career you have chosen has some unexpected inconvenience, console yourself by reflecting that no career is without them.” — Jane Fonda.
Third, “I no longer have a life!” Don’t lie to yourself with this statement. Yes, motherhood can be challenging in itself, and even much more when combining it with your career. You must be intentional in prioritizing your time to take care of your own needs. Fourth, “I can no longer achieve my life goals.” Achieving your life goals is still possible. However, it may become a slower process. Finally, fifth, you tell yourself that “marriage becomes boring with kids in the picture.” Sorry to burst your bubble of self-pity. Your union and life are what you make it. To keep your marriage fun and exciting, don’t blame your kids. Put in the work to make your union work.
As no whorls of fingerprints are the same, our experiences as mothers in various families and careers are different. Are there some of the statements above that resonate with you in your experience? Would you mind sharing them in the comment box below? We would truly value your opinion.