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15 Reasons Why People Cheat on Their Spouse

There is no justifiable reason why anyone should cheat on their spouse; however, it still happens. On many occasions, we are the architects of our own relationship’s demise. We implode our relationships, which make partners indulge in infidelity. Discover the reasons why people cheat on their spouses. Saddle up! You are in for a long-form piece of a ride!

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Cheating is defined only as a physical affair in which two people are engaged in sexual or emotional activities outside of their primary relationships or marriages. Cheating is a relationship variation that has existed for eons. People get into relationships for various reasons. However, the most significant factor that brings two people to become intimate is usually love. In the traditional sense of humanity, a man and woman fall head over heels with each other. From that initial spark, they may go into the union of marriage—a commitment before God and man to stay true to one another. 

“When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves—they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true.” — Cheryl Hughes.

Cheating is the art of living a lie. It is an emotional betrayal that stings like whoa—like a double payload delivery of a cocktail of stings from a bullet ant, a warrior wasp, velvet ant, a red paper wasp, to mention a few. Cheating, no matter how the perpetrator goes about it, as we will later see in the following paragraphs, is the crucifixion of your self-esteem and the undermining of trust that one once shared with their partner. In the words of Gemma Halliday, “Earthquakes just happen. Tornadoes just happen. Your tongue does not just happen to fall into some other girl’s mouth!” Cheating is a process that evolves in layers through time. It doesn’t just happen. Cheating is never ideal, nor should it be tolerated for any reason.

Infographic A: The Gender Cheating Gap is Wider Among Older Adults; Source: Institute for Family Studies (IFS)

Research conducted by the Institute for Family Studies (IFS) establishes that men have a higher propensity to cheat than women. Still, the gender gap in infidelity varies by age. Wendy Wang of the Institute of Family Studies (IFS) establishes in the piece, “Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America,” that “20% of men and 13% of women espoused that they have had intimate knowledge with someone different than their spouse while married.” This IFS data comes from a recent General Social Survey (GSS).

From the above infographics, we make several deductions from the data. Among ever-married adults with the age range of 18 to 29, women slightly trump men to be guilty of infidelity (i.e., 11% vs. 10%). We can also see that infidelity spikes during both genders’ middle age cadre from the data above. We also know that infidelity skyrockets among women in their 60s (16%). However, we see a dip in that share for women in the 70s to 80s age range. On the split end of the spectrum, men in their 70s record the highest infidelity levels (26%). That share for men remains high among men ages 80 years and older (24%). There is an 18% difference between men and women in the most senior age group. 

Lady rides away with her beau after she cheats and breaks up with her man, who is now in tears, asking, “Why?”

However, there is this erroneous belief that women in their peak period (18-30 years) find it hard to be faithful to a single partner because they are highly sought after by men. At this age range, the credence establishes that their male counterparts at the same age are trying hard to get a degree, get a job, get a life and become responsible men. These males find it hard to concentrate on women at this stage. However, from Infographic A, we see that infidelity starts its gradual spike to overtake infidelity in women between that age range (18-30). However, between the ages of 30-80 plus, affairs are on the rise in men. The assumption is that these men tend to cheat more than women because they are now more settled and have a higher earning power—they have extra monies to throw around on women outside their marriage.

We could keep crunching numbers that depict the age ranges that show how men and women cheat on their significant others. However, that is not the essence of this piece. Our goal is to expound on the reasons why people cheat in the first place. However, before we explore those factors, let us learn about some of the cheating types that exist. Second, we will also look at the types of people who cheat on their partners or spouse. 

Types of Cheating

“…the art of being intimate sexually or emotionally with another individual that is not your spouse will pass off as cheating, or affair, or spousal infidelity.”

As we established earlier, the art of being intimate sexually or emotionally with another individual that is not your spouse will pass off as cheating, or affair, or spousal infidelity. Talking about marital infidelity or adultery or cheating is usually a gray area or relationship avenue where many people will not willingly go. What some people constitute as cheating may not be cheating to others. Discussing infidelity is treading on murky waters, after all. 

“The more people rationalize cheating, the more it becomes a culture of dishonesty. And that can become a vicious, downward cycle. Because suddenly, if everyone else is cheating, you feel a need to cheat, too.” — Stephen Covey.

In an article titled “What is considered cheating in a relationship? The 7 main types,” on the website HackSpirit, he did a good job expounding the various kinds of affairs that could be. He discusses the following types of affairs—Emotional, Cyber, Object, Physical, Micro-Cheating, Financial Infidelity, and Flirting. However, in this piece, I will be covering the following kinds of cheating—Physical Cheating, Emotional Cheating, and E-Cheating or Cyber-Cheating. Let’s get on with it:

(a). Physical Cheating

Man catches wife in a compromising position.

Physical cheating readily comes to mind when you stipulate that people have an affair outside their nuptial union’s bonds. It usually involves sexual or physical intimacy with someone who is not your spouse or someone you are in a relationship with as a couple. A physical affair could include a tender holding of hands, kissing, caressing, groping each other in inappropriate areas or erogenous zones, or getting to the point of having deep sexual knowledge of each other.

Amusingly, some cheats who engage in sexual behavior outside of their primary relationship try to avoid kissing their cheating partner. They may feel that kissing would be much of an intimate act. In other cases, cheating partners may do everything like kissing, caressing, fondling, etc. but won’t have sex with the other person to feel like they haven’t completely crossed the line. The cheating partner only sees sex as the act that seals the relationship as the affair. To them, all other acts of physical intimacy are not cheating in their book.

Surprised lovers caught lying in bed by a raging husband. It’s about to go down!

Although the definition of physical cheating varies from person to person, the truth is that I don’t think any of us in our proper traditional sense of the word marriage or union would want to imagine our partner touching, caressing, or kissing another person. In the weird and twisted world that we find ourselves in, such stories are no longer an anomaly. You hear of couples who wish to entertain other men and women in their marital bed. It’s a morally decadent and twisted world that we live in today.

(b). Emotional Cheating

You can read the depth of emotional connection through her eyes.

Emotional cheating is a form of affair in which the cheating partners try not to get physical with the person they are in cahoots with, not physically expressing the signs of a loving relationship. Such physical intimacy symptoms include handholding, kissing, cuddling, intimate hugging, or more. Emotional affairs usually happen in the communicative realm. A man or woman gets very close with someone of the opposite gender that becomes their listening ear or shoulder when they need someone to vent to other than their spouse.

While there is nothing wrong with communicating heartfelt issues with a friend who may be of the opposite gender, the problem with this is that what you feed will eventually grow. Typically, in a functional union, a man and a woman in the traditional sense of relationship should effectively be free to communicate with themselves to bear one another’s burdens. However, when one spouse leans more on the listening ear of the present shoulder, an outsider, it is evident that such may bankrupt the communicative essence with the person’s spouse. The relationship with the listening ear will grow, while that spouse’s relationship and communication will suffer.

You can read the depth of emotional connection through his eyes.

Emotional cheating involves sharing intimate details about your life, about your spouse, or marriage with someone you have an attachment or attraction to in some way or the other. Sometimes these vibrant affairs start as being best friends in a platonic way. There are usually no intentions to cross any boundaries from the onset. Sometimes, it could be co-working relationships that advance into more intimate territories. However, the duo may not be crossing the lines of getting physically close (e.g., kissing, caressing, fondling, and sex but in many cases). 

However, we must never be naive to think that in time, that physical intimacy will not follow an emotional affair. Investing in mutually budding communication will consistently build a trust bond between parties. It could quickly spiral into a physical experience between the duo. While it’s not just women who are susceptible to emotional cheating, research shows that they are the most likely to form these emotional attachments.

(c). E-Cheating

Love on the Internet—Sandra, a young married woman in an unfulfilled relationship, is lying on a sofa with her laptop. She is browsing online, looking for the love she cannot find in her current relationship while her husband is still working. She is on social media (e.g., Facebook, Instagram, etc.) looking and looking for love on several dating sites. This has been her routine for weeks. This is E-Cheating in action. Will she be lucky?

E-Cheating or Cyber-Cheating occurs when people seek connections and relationships with people they meet or reconnect with over social networks, dating sites, email, or phones. Sometimes the nature of these electronic messages is sexual, and sometimes they’re more subtle but may still be considered intimate. Cyber-Cheating is a relationship pandemic that is causing a lot of upheaval in relationships. It is a nuanced situation and may appear less severe as everything takes place in bits and bytes on the World Wide Web. 

E-Cheating, in a way, is a form of emotional cheating. But like emotional cheating, it may also grow to become physical cheating. It is pretty easy to meet someone new on various social media networks. Constant communication builds fondness. After a while, we find ourselves writing them regularly. It then gravitates to you sharing intimate details about our life. It morphs itself into a solid emotional attachment, and you become fond of them. Sometimes, it may take longer for E-Cheats to themselves. However, once they meet each other, the physical cheating ball begins to roll.

After weeks of looking on the Internet, Sandra finally connects with Greg on Ashley Madison and there is an instant connection. Greg is also married and like Sandra, he is also in a loveless relationship. The duo begin a clandestine relationship that their spouses don’t know about. The shady things that go on on the World Wide Web.

“Soon, he was online every night until one or two a.m. Often he would wake up at three or four a.m. and go back online. He would shut down the computer screen when I walked in. He used to take the laptop to bed with him in the past, and we would both be on our laptops, hips touching. He stopped doing that, slipping off to his office instead and closing the door even when A was asleep. He started closing doors behind him. I was steeped in denial, but my body knew.” — Suzanne Finnamore.

Apart from these three affairs that this piece addresses, I would like to mention the remaining four, Lachlan Brown establishes on HackSpirit. The others worth noting that he discusses are—Object Affairs, Micro-Cheating, Financial Infidelity, and Flirting. In terse terms, Lachlan establishes that Object Affair “occurs when a partner in a relationship becomes overly obsessive in something other than the relationship (e.g., a hobby, an idea, or in many cases, pornography).” Secondly, he establishes that “Micro-cheating is a furtive way that people who are not ready to get their skin in a relationship stay in the game without compromising their existing relationship status with their live-in partner.” 

Thirdly, financial infidelity is “when a partner in a relationship makes financial moves without the knowledge of the other.” I have personally heard of these destroying marriages before. Finally, he talks about flirting. According to the Merriam Websters Dictionary, flirting is “to behave amorously without serious intent.” Flirting can be akin to playing with fire. It may seem innocent, but it could quickly spiral into hurt feelings, lost trust, and a broken home or marriage relationship. Those that indulge in flirtatious activities easily cross boundaries via such flirty conversations. Hence, it is a vice that people should stay clear of, to say the very least.

Types of People Who Cheat

Different people cheat for different reasons. (Left to Right: Boyfriend distracted by an attractive woman while girlfriend being jealous. Girlfriend is with boyfriend; however, openly flirts with a tall, handsome guy. The guy is with his significant other but flirts and exchanges numbers with an attractive young girl without the guy’s girlfriend realizing. The girl leaves her beau because he has no money. The rich older man is a sugar daddy, and two girls are swooning over him. The rich older man is having an affair with a young and hot lass while his wife is having a cow about the affair. A rich man with a lot of money is lusting after a poor man’s wife. The wife leaves her husband for the rich older man. The woman caught her man having sex with another girl).

Classifying types of people who cheat on their spouses or significant others can be tricky. People of different classes in life cheat for various reasons. People cheat for having clout as they become the center of attraction of others. People who have the privilege of owning many material things could lure worldly people into the beds. In many cases, we see wealthy men drawing women into escapades because they have a lot of money to throw around. We also see this when we turn the tables around where women are the wealthy ones, and the men don’t have as much. Finally, heavy social media users often stray towards the dark side of uncanny relationships on the World Wide Web. Let us look at each of these types of people.  

(a). The Rich People 

Rich people have so much money to throw around. Before you know it, their monies roll them into scenarios that they cheat on their significant other.

People with substantial wealth are like magnets—they are the point of focus and attraction. Men of significant means are the focus of the appeal of women. Also, women of great wealth are the lure of men. Because they have money to throw around a lot, these folks become targets of the opposite sex, making it very hard for them to focus on a single partner because of the many distractions from others outside.

(b). The Materialistic People 

Girls who like material things, fun, and adventure find it very hard to be faithful in a relationship. We can say the same of guys who have the same concept of living.

Girls who like material things, fun, and adventure find it very hard to be faithful in a relationship. We can say the same of guys who have the same concept of living. They lean hard on the wants of life rather than that which is needful. Because of all their insatiable desires and demand for fun, experience, and the daintier things of life, they find it challenging to derive satisfaction from a single person who may not be meeting all their worldly needs. Because of this, they spread their tentacles by investing their time in many relationships to satisfy their insatiable thirst for material things.

(c). Wealthy Men/Poor Women and Vice-Versa

Women who are not as well-to-do could easily fall for the vice of sleeping with wealthy men to make ends meet.

Previously, we discussed those affluent people—whether men or women are prone to cheating. However, in this context, the focus is just on the rich men. The rich men can become more verse in extra-marital affairs because they are loved by many. Poor women are more likely to cheat with such individuals than wealthier peers. Some of them cheat in hopes of stepping up their financial status for the sake of their family, especially if their spouse isn’t as financially buoyant as needed. 

(d). Heavy Social Media Users 

Lady is spying on her husband’s social media usage.

Spending a lavish amount of time on social media could mean different things for different people. Some spend their time on social media for various reasons. Some, for business purposes, others for marketing purposes, and some people use it as entertainment. However, many men and women use it to meet many people, including new admirers or even old-time lovers.

“When a man cheats, it is said it is because he is a dog. When a woman cheats, it is said it is because her man is a dog.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana.

There is no moral justification for anyone to cheat on their spouse. However, human beings always look for ways to justify their wrong actions. But in whichever way you choose to paint it, cheating is a vice that destroys trust, scatters homes, hurts the psyches of the individuals involved, etc. We live in a tit-for-tat culture. We live in a culture where many people don’t want to work out their issues. We live in a culture where the art of two-way traffic mutual communication is almost dead. Everyone is correct; no one will ever accept to be wrong.

Comic Strip A: An advice to have revenge sex.

The comic strip above, Comic Strip A, is a clear typification of our society’s tit-for-tat culture. The guy says that the wife says he is lazy, so she is now sleeping with the neighbor. The Judas of a friend in the middle of the comic strip’s first advice is for him to look for a lady and sleep with, at the first instant. The funny thing is that the man is considering it. That is the degraded culture that we live in today. People don’t work out their differences anymore. We live in an age of revenge and social dissonance.  

Comic Strip B: Victim and lover caught in the act. The hiding victim bribes himself out of it.

The second comic strip is a digressive joke. A man finds her wife in a cheating situation. Charging with fury, he looks under the bed and behind the curtain and does not find the victim. He looks in the closet to discover the victim who tries to bribe him, and it pretty much worked because the victim was not there either. Funny, right? The real funny thing is that this supposed fictitious comic strip could be happening out there. 

My question is, “Why would you involve yourself with someone if you intend to cheat on the person in the first place?” It blows my mind to hear stories of marriages on the rocks and to hear the cheating iceberg scenarios that sunk the Titanic of a relationship. The fact remains that people cheat on their significant others, and something makes them do so. That is the next and last phase of our discovery in this piece.

15 Reasons Why People Cheat on Their Spouse

What motivates people to cheat? Let’s dig in and find out.

As this piece establishes, people become unfaithful to their spouse for various reasons. So far, this piece covers three types of cheating—Physical Cheating, Emotional Cheating, and E-Cheating. The preceding paragraphs also cover the different types of people who dabble in affairs (NB. The list of people who cheat is not exhaustive—different things drive different people into being unfaithful to their spouse). All these establish the foundation that will help us delve into the billion-dollar question. “Why do people cheat in the first place?” Let us now look at the “15 Reasons Why People Cheat on Their Spouse.” Let’s go:

#1. Internet Has Made It Much Easier

We live in an age of Online Dating, which is also making online affairs more prevalent.

Since the advent of technology, everything has gone online, both the things of vice and the things of virtues. They are many fun and educative things to find online and many new people to meet. But one of the downsides of the Internet is that the age of online dating has given way to an unprecedented array of infidelity options. There are thousand and one dating sites, pornographic sites, all providing supposed excitement for all people. The Internet has made it very easy to find people of interest in places far away, probably just one click away.

#2. They Make a Lot of Money

Making a lot of money can open the doors to infidelity if caution and prudence are lacking.

In an article by Kali Holloway titled “9 Things You Might Not Know About Infidelity” on Salon, there is a mention of a University of Washington study that points out a finding. The study postulates “that people who make $75,000 and up are 1.5 times more likely to cheat than those whose annual salaries are $30,000 or less.” These people seem to have extra cash to throw around even after they might have catered for their family’s need more than their counterparts who earn lesser and have a family to cater for as well.

#3. Sexual Reasons 

“Being unable to meet your partner’s sexual needs or desires has an immensely negative effect on relationships and marriages.”

Many people tend to shy away from sex. There is no doubt that sexual issues can be one of the most significant causes of cheating in relationships and marriages—sex by far ranks high as one of the most critical subjects in relationships and marriage. Shopping or money doesn’t even come close to the subject of sexual pleasure. Being unable to meet your partner’s sexual needs or desires has an immensely negative effect on relationships and marriages. When these needs are not met or constantly denied on purpose, the denied partners seek people who can meet their sexual desires and needs. They start looking out for people who have the same sexual inclinations as they do.   

#4. Age

“The adventure and the thrill of the chase make the ladies not have a single partner.”

Age is an essential factor in why people cheat on their partners. Studies have shown that women tend to cheat more when they are between the ages of 18-30 than men of that age. (NB. See Infographic A above). The reason could be that at this time, they are mostly not yet married. Men know they are single, and this makes them have a lot of admirers. The men would try everything possible to outdo the other guy in their sleeping around escapades. The adventure and the thrill of the chase make the ladies not have a single partner. However, men tend to cheat more as they advance in age (i.e., 40-60+ years, See Infographic A). In many cases, this is the age range where they have begun working and must have earned and saved some money to throw around on things they like. 

#5. Lack of Attention

We see this every so often in many relationships. Couples get so carried away—neglecting each other and sometimes even the children. 

In a fast-paced and demanding world where things happen and change so fast, it is easy to get distracted that couples don’t pay attention to each other. Various things like work, school projects, family life, the pursuit of a career or contract, taking care of the children’s needs, etc., can quickly crowd out couples’ time. Thus, they may find it challenging to give each other the care and attention they both need and deserve. One of the spouses may begin to feel lonely, neglected, or unimportant. The neglect can pose a severe challenge when someone else starts paying them all the attention they want. Lack of awareness of each other is a relationship killer that will potently annihilate any relationship bond or union. 

#6. Return of an Ex

Woman rebuilding couple photo after reconciliation with her Ex, albeit she is married to another.

One day, your once-upon-a-time lover reappears in your life, looking so charming and dear. Situations like these could spark up old flames, especially when those feelings are still fresh in your mind. It usually starts with hitting each other up on social media. From there, they exchange numbers and start calling each other and reminiscing about high school days when they shared love interests. From there, the rest is history. They bond and sometimes reignite the sexual desires they had for each other. Memories of good times past can lead to unexpected situations.

#7. Drugs, Alcohol, and Gambling Addictions

Drugs, Alcohol, and Gambling. The Three Horsemen of Addictions.

Alcohol is a commonly known intoxicant that can impair judgment. Also, certain drugs (e.g., methamphetamine, cocaine, heroin, opioid pain relievers (e.g., Vicodin and OxyContin), anxiety medications (e.g., Ativan and Valium), to mention but a few) are known to lower inhibition and impair judgment. Married couples that club excessively with their friends in the absence of their significant others raise the chances of cheating on their spouse under alcohol or drugs’ influence. 

These Three Horsemen of Addiction have murdered relationships and driven many to cheat on their significant others.

Gambling addictions could make people do irrational things. Some people crave to gamble but do not have the necessary funds to do so. In the craze and quest to raise the funds they want, they prostitute themselves to raise the liquid cash to feed their gambling craze. Predictably, whether alcohol, drugs, or gambling addictions, the odds of one making a poor choice and cheating on their significant other are much higher under such habits.

#8. Practicing Casanovas 

Handsome young man sitting on the couch with two attractive girls. The young Casanova in action.

Giacomo Casanova was an “ecclesiastic, writer, soldier, spy, and diplomatist, chiefly remembered as the prince of Italian adventurers and as the man who made the name Casanova synonymous with “libertine.” Sometimes, the reason why some people cheat is to hone their skills between the sheets. They, like Casanova, are amoral and go around sleeping with different people as a ruse. 

#9. New Desires

A bored girl listening to her partner’s conversation—such behavior is always the spring of new desires.

A common cause of adultery is boredom in a relationship—routine kills love. Some people get bored quickly in relationships. Such individuals can be men as well as women. In their boredom with their significant other, they begin looking for new experiences. These individuals are usually sly in the exhibition of their boredom via the expression of unique desires. Some begin to deprive their partner of any form of intimate encounters. Some of them start looking for ways to go out and mingle with friends. Some start staying later at work. Many scenarios show the boredom of such individuals.

#10. Revenge

“She decides to pay him forward in his coin by cheating in a similar vein with someone else—it could be her ex or someone she admires.”

For women, revenge is one of the significant reasons for cheating. Here is a prevalent instance that we hear of many times. A husband, partner, or significant other has an affair. The wife or partner feigns like she did not notice anything. Instead of picking a fight with the man lying over his head, she schemes a revenge plot. She decides to pay him forward in his coin by cheating in a similar vein with someone else—it could be her ex or someone she admires. That is what we see in Comic Strip A above. That is the tit-for-tat culture that we live in, to say the very least. Like the picture above, she finds a beau she is mutually attracted with, connects emotionally with them, and eventually carries out the physical deed.

#11. Depression

“Infidelity can quickly occur in the emotional sphere. Especially for the womenfolk, cheating spawns from feelings of neglect. Such can send them into a depressive state.”

Depression is a psychiatric condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal. It is a sadness that is greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason. Depression can lead people to cheat. As this piece earlier postulates, cheating is not all about sleeping with the other person. Infidelity can quickly occur in the emotional sphere. Especially for the womenfolk, cheating spawns from feelings of neglect. Such can send them into a depressive state. In the search for the equilibrium that will draw them out from the doldrums of the psychological quagmire of despondency they are experiencing from the darkness of depression, they look to others for that emotional connection. They seek out others and build a communicative bond with the person. There is no exchange of biological fluids through physical sex. However, mental coitus is already in action. Cheating or affairs is already in the works, whether you believe it or not. 

#12. Work, Overwork, and Vegged-Out Scenarios

Workplace romance happens.

Work, overwork, and vegged-out scenarios can become a factor that can easily nudge a spouse into an affair. We live in a world where the focus is work. Often, we spend the most time with the people we work with and fewer times with our families. That is how workplace romances occur. People who work together, who also spend many hours working together on projects, tend to grow closer and more acquainted. There are situations where coworkers have become emotionally connected and then developed that fondness into physical infidelity. Vegged-out scenarios are situations when people don’t have enough work to do. Such conditions lead to them having too much time on their hands. Because of this, they dabble into the quest for pleasures from others to fill their time and space.

#13. Communication Gap

The communication gap in some homes is like walking a tight rope. Someone always loses their balance and collapses headlong into the ravine.

A communication gap in any relationship is a significant factor contributing to why people cheat on their spouses, and it is a big one. Any relationship that does not have top-notch communication is a relationship that is doomed to fail; however, you choose to look at it. Relationships that don’t put effort into planning on how to communicate are already planning to fail. Communication is not one-way traffic; it is a two-way traffic process. You are not sharing when only one party wants to be at the giving end—dishing it all out for the other party to remain quiet and swallow the bitter pill of all that flows out. 

Communication is an art, so you must perfect the rudiments of this art via practice. It requires cultivation and nurturing. Communication requires a conscious effort for it to grow. Failure to learn communication will be the tipping point of the failure of any relationship. Lack of communication will suffocate any form of intimacy you share with your partner. It will celebrate conflict. It will stifle any form of relational growth. Sans effective communication: with time, you will grow apart from your partner, plain and simple.

Lack of communication will rupture your relationship. The above picture is where many partners that don’t cultivate communication skills are at, unfortunately. 

One paragraph, two, or even three will never do justice to delving into the effects of a non-communicative relationship. As a result, I will delve more into communication in relationships as its separate piece in the future. I read an article by Elizabeth Earnshaw, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, titled “How Lack of Communication Can Sneakily Ruin Relationships and How to Fix It,” on the mbgrelationships website. 

I want to point out some compelling facts that Elizabeth Earnshaw mentions. On the effects of lack of communication in a relationship, she established that there would be the following: “escalated conflict, a negative perspective of your partner and their person, neglect of each other’s attempt to connect, feeling unseen or unknown, loneliness, lack of intimacy, and difficulty setting and reaching goals.” These are some of the facts that she points out about the lack of communication thereof in any relationship. 

No one is communicating when two people are shouting at themselves.

She also mentions various signs that show that lousy communication is already at play in a relationship. They are: “criticizing and belittling one another, getting defensive, stonewalling, passive aggression, assuming you know what your partner is thinking, cyclical arguments that see no resolution in sight, lack of compromise, fewer attempts to connect, and arguing about “the facts” behind a conflict instead of focusing on what the experience was like for each partner.” That is a lot to digest, but facts are facts.

Bridge your communication gap. “It is as simple as ABC, communicate if you want to salvage what you have with your partner. Don’t communicate if you are dead to the relationship already.”

Hence, effective communication requires work. If you choose not to work on your communicative habits, then be ready to lose your relationship. Where there is a chronic lack of communication, partners often would drift away into the lives, arms, emotional bunkers of those they want to communicate with, to say the very least. That is how emotional affairs start to be built, which could quickly spiral to something physical. In a quest to seek some communicative audience with a listening ear, that is how E-Cheating creeps into a home. As simple as ABC, communicate if you want to salvage what you have with your partner. Don’t communicate if you are dead to the relationship already. 

#14. Lack of Effort and Laziness

It’s not time to point fingers; it is time to get your hands dirty and work on your relationship before it walks away from you. It takes two to tango.

Believe it or not, laziness can cause infidelity in relationships. When couples are too lazy to work out their relational issues, an affair can become a distraction from dealing with the relationship’s problems. Making a relationship work is an emotional and physical investment. When a partner in a relationship lacks that mental fortitude to work with their partner to resolve issues, he/she could fall into the temptation of infidelity as a mechanism to drown their worries away. The rule of work is that ‘What you work on will work. What you fail to work on will not work.’ The above rule applies to relationships too. Hence, if you are too lazy to put in the effort to make your relationship work, it could be the very reason why your partner will leave you in the arms of another. It’s not time to point fingers; it is time to get your hands dirty and work on your relationship before it walks away from you. It takes two to tango.  

#15. Inequity and Disequilibrium of Shared Love

Inequity and Disequilibrium of Shared Love in relationships can lead to infidelity.

The unequal balance in sharing love in the family can lead to neglecting the other partner’s needs in the relationship. Such situations can push the neglected partner away to seek attention from others outside the relationship’s confines. Such is common when kids enter a relationship. For instance, when the sole focus of attention from the woman in the relationship rests solely on the kids or her career, other aspects of her relational life may suffer. Couples must be discreet in this instance to ensure a similitude of balance in the sharing of love and attention so that no part in the relationship suffers. Focusing solely on things (e.g., the kids, career, hobbies, personal projects, business, etc.) for unreasonable lengths of time without giving heed to your partner’s needs could drive them into emotional, cyber, or physical infidelity. There must be equilibrium in the sharing of love and attention. However, it requires the rule of work to be at play tactfully. Remember, “The rule of work is that ‘What you work on will work. What you fail to work on will not work.’ The above rule applies to relationships too.”

“The rule of work is that ‘What you work on will work. What you fail to work on will not work.’ The above rule applies to relationships too.” — Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze.

So far, we have seen various reasons that lead to spouses cheating on their significant other. The list is not exhaustive. There may be other reasons not here mentioned that lead to infidelity in relationships. However, the fact remains that there is no justifiable reason to cheat on your significant other. The points I have presented in this long-form piece are mine, and I do not espouse myself to be a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. However, if you are going through issues in your relationship, find the time to consult one and salvage your union while you can. 

People fall in love and fall out of love every day. The essence of falling in love is to ensure that you sustain the love you share with your significant other. A successful relationship is not always a walk in the park. It requires effort and understanding to build a long-lasting relationship forged on the sure foundations of trust and mutual harmony. No matter how you look at it, infidelity hurts. It would be best if you continued to work on your relationship starting from the word, “Go!” As soon as you rest your oars, you have already started the process of sinking your relationship. Row! Row! Row your boat gently down the stream! Merrily! Merrily! Merrily! Merrily! Life is but a dream. 

Possible Solutions to Infidelity

How could you? Outraged good-looking young woman throwing up her hands while discovering her husband’s infidelity during psychiatric attendance.

Are there possible solutions to infidelity? Yes, there are things you can do to solve the problem of cheating. It requires effort from both parties. However, the ideal is not to ever get to the point of trying to salvage your relationship because infidelity has entered the equation. Once again, I will establish that the issues I have presented in this long-form piece are mine, and I do not espouse myself to be a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. However, if you are going through issues in your relationship, find the time to consult one and salvage your union while you can.

#1. Good Communication 

Good communication is the key to a good relationship.

I can’t state this enough. I have already established previously in detail that lack of communication in a relationship can lead to infidelity. It is imperative for any two people in a committed relationship to communicate appropriately as and when needed. Good communication fosters a good relationship. When you have a problem with your spouse, take it up to them and talk about it; you will be surprised at how good things will turn out if you and your spouse communicate more. Don’t make stonewalling a habit when your spouse is trying to communicate with you. If you do so, you might as well kiss your relationship goodbye.

#2. Avoid Vulnerable and Compromising Positions 

Married woman, sexually attracted to her married boss—quite a vulnerable position to be in, to say the very least. 

Do your very best to eschew compromising situations that will leave you vulnerable to infidelity. For instance, it is wise to avoid being alone in a room with someone you are attracted to, especially if you already have issues with your significant other. Being in a lonely place with someone you are sexually attracted to is dangerous other than your partner. In the first place, if you are already sexually attracted to someone, and you two are verbally flirting with each other, you have already started on the path to emotional infidelity. Try not to visit a work colleague in his or her house, especially if you are attracted to them. You may end up sealing the deal with physical infidelity. 

#3. Curb Your Alcoholic Intake with the Opposite Sex 

An attractive blonde sits at the bar counter. She is drinking wine and flirting with someone across the bar.

In the preceding paragraphs, we see that alcohol can block your inhibitions and make you do things that you may not have thought of doing. Hence, we advise that you curb your enthusiasm for drinking alcoholic beverages with someone of the opposite sex. A person who is intoxicated will often do things that are entirely out of character. Instances abound on people who have cheated on their significant other when under the influence of alcohol and sometimes drugs.

#4. Seek Professional Help 

If you are already facing the above challenges in your marriage, you may need marriage counseling. 

Are you already in an infidelity debacle? Then you may need to seek the help of a licensed therapist if you and your significant other cannot work out your differences. A licensed therapist can help the two of you figure out how to move past the affair by thinking about the factors that motivated one person to be unfaithful. The therapist can also help you develop specific ways to restore trust, maintain a stable partnership, and avoid future reoccurrence.

#5. Burn the Bridge with Your Cheating Partner 

Burn the bridge with your cheating partner.

The first step to repairing a relationship after infidelity is ending the affair. However, this means more than no longer being physically intimate with the other person. It means cutting off all ties and communication with the person—you need to burn the bridge with your cheating partner. If you don’t, you may not be in any physical affair with the person; however, there could still be some emotional entanglement with the person in question. So, your best bet to stay free of the vice of infidelity is to cut off any communications with the person you were cheating with, to say the very least.

“Cheating and lying aren’t struggles; they’re reasons to break up.” — Patti Callahan Henry.

Once again, there is no justifiable reason for cheating. The sad thing is that it still happens in relationships. Cheating is the unholy foundation of broken trust in homes. Affairs are to blame for many that file for divorce. Whether physical, emotional, or virtual, infidelity is the chief culprit to many relationships’ failure. Whether it be a cheating husband or a cheating wife, couples need to do their best to salvage the love that they share. It all starts from the word, “Go!”

The ideal is for a couple to remain faithful to themselves and never have to deal with the issue of infidelity. Healing from an infidelity situation is possible. The healing of a broken heart that ensues from an affair is very much possible likewise. For that to happen, couples must work out their relationship goals with remarkable tact and tenacity to ensure that it works. Make up your mind to be a faithful spouse. Resolve in your mind that you will never become a narcissistic and abusive spouse. You can do it. It’s all about working on it. Start today. Let’s go!

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Ogbonnaya Agom-Eze is an entrepreneur and the Founder, CEO, Editor-In-Chief of Oaekpost, LLC, a U.S.-based online media company and the parent organization of www.oaekpost.com. He is a multi-niche writer with a wide range of interests in various genres. Agom-Eze is based in the Greater Seattle Area, Washington, and can be reached at ogb@oaekpost.com.

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Caroline

    April 27, 2021 at 6:15 am

    It all started when my husband passed me his phone to show me a picture he’d taken at the farm and in that split-second I saw an alert pop up on his screen. It read, ‘Im not aborting another baby for you.’
    I felt this chill go through me and I stopped breathing for a minute. I had to excuse myself and pretended I needed the bathroom. I had to be there for my son and pretend that I hadn’t seen anything.

    Then I called my elder sister because at the moment I started to question everything and trust no-one, even my friends.

    For weeks, this incident got me thinking, was scared and depressed.
    Just to cut the long story short with the help from a hacker I tracked every move he made, they help me hacked into his phone, his computer.
    I know it’s wrong but I feel relieved when I figured out he has been cheating on me for months.
    I had to share this with women having the same problem before it would be too late.

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